Critty Joy

To The One Who....

To the one who is struggling in the waiting.

Beauty will come.

To the one who is too scared to take that next step.

Take the step...He is already there.

To the one who is frustrated and confused.

He knows.  He will give you understanding.

To the one who is lost and directionless.

He is the best map.  He will give you direction.

To the one who hurt herself today.

He heals.  All wounds.

To the one who tells herself  she is ugly, fat, stupid, unlovable.  

He created you.  He sees YOU and loves you as you are.

To the one who feels empty.

He will fill you.

To the one who is weary.

He will give you rest.

To the one who thinks her story does not matter.

He is the author.  He only writes the best stories.

To the one who doesn't believe in herself.

He believes in you.

To the one who's heart has wandered.

He never left.  He will bind your heart to His.  Just ask.

To the one who feels hopeless.

He is HOPE.

To the one who feels unseen.

He sees you.

To the one who feels forgotten.

He knows your name.

To the one who feels so alone and quiet.

He delights in you.

To the one who feels she is going no where.

The journey is slow at times.  Embrace it.

To the one who feels stuck and unchanging.

You are becoming. 

To the one who is in a broken. 

He repairs.

To the one who has failed.  Over and over.

He restores.

To the one who feels she is not worthy.

He redeems.

To the one who feels incomplete.

He will complete you.

To the one who feels trapped.  

He is your freedom.

 

 

 

If you could tell someone a truth today what would it be?

 

 

Joining with Jen and the SDG sisters.

Empty Waiting Filled.

 

Last week I shared about some of my fears.

It's something I have been pondering on a great deal.  

Fear seems to really get to me in chapters of waiting.

I have been in a chapter of waiting for a while.

Honestly?  It is NOT my favorite chapter of my story.

As I have thought about waiting this week it occurred to me that there is an emptiness in waiting.  

I don't know about you but I look for things to fill that emptiness in any way I possibly can.

When really, the one thing I need to fill it with is the last thing I do.

To fill my emptiness....

I tend to avoid silence (which I happen to adore!) during my times of waiting.

I fret and get fearful and constantly take those things to someone else...not Him.

I get busy in the lives of others.  I spend lots more time away from home. (This whole introver thing is a fine line peaches...a very fine line when it comes to hard stuff!)

I push my own plans.  I want to move?  I start switching things and changing things and going down paths I know are not meant for me because I want to do something.  Anything.

I watch television show after television show.  Movie after movie.  Lately I even listen to music while I am reading before bed....which I have never done.  (that silence and a good story?  Divine.)

I think of Him, sure.  However I do not fill my emptiness with Him.

In the waiting there can be a great deal of solitude and quiet.

It can feel like emptiness.

But it's not really.

It's to be filled.

With Him.

With His words.  From The Word and from listening and praying.

With actions.  Little steps forward.  Things you know will make a difference when He reveals His plans to you.  

Journaling.  I avoid my journal when waiting because I tend to be...well...whiny.  It is a great tool to get your feelings out and also to work through things.  Privately....and with Him.  

Passive waiting is empty.

Active waiting is full.

Passive waiting is hard yet un-fulfilling.

Active waiting is hard yet fulfilling.  

To me waiting is like the end of winter.  You know it is here.  You see the dreary blankness but know that more is coming.... and then suddenly there are signs that more is on it's way.  Budding trees and flowers.  Longer days full of sunshine.  Gently breezes and rain showers the smell of freshness.

Spring is coming... winter does not last forever.

And thankfully?  

Waiting does not last forever either.

 

 

Linking up with Jen and the SDG sisterhood.  

Dare... To Move.

My one word for the year is dare.

It is a big scary word to me.  

It involves things such as risk and courage and fear.

And one thing I want to do this year is move.  Which I took as a physical move.... Oh how He likes to teach us :)

Over the last few weeks I have constantly had a song stuck in my head.

It's an old Switchfoot song called Dare You to Move.

 

 

That tension.  I have been feeling it so much.

He has been daring me to move in my life this year.  In more ways than I can imagine.

To take steps of faith.  Some big and some small.

You see I am comfortable sitting and waiting when something is scary.  I wait for that big sign He is going to give me when I am suppose to do something.  I wait for that big sign that never comes because our God does not do things that way very often.  I am learning that still small voice is how He most often chooses for us to hear Him.  The more I have thought about this the more I have realized I have missed some opportunities.  

Fear has a way of doing that.  Helping us miss moments and opportunities.

 I am tired of missed moments.  

I am tired of sitting in fear.  

So in my year of living life daringly I must put fear aside.  Take up the courage I know that is within me and move.

He has given me some of what this looks like and I am already moving in some of those areas...even though it is scary!

For the month of February I am really working on moving in some way every day.  

Each day it's a little different but 12 days in...I must admit excitement over-rules the fear.  

I had never thought of moving in so many different ways.  

I am already learning daring to move means putting a lot of faith and trust in Him.  

Now I have a daily reminder to live life daringly...

 

 

Dare.

It's so much more than I thought it would be.

I would not have it any other way..because in the daring and the moving...I get to know Him deeper.

 

How are you getting to know Him deeper this year?

 

 

Joining with Jen and the SDG sisterhood.

Don't forget As of Late is Thursday :)

Extravagant Love.

Does your heart ever need something so deeply...yet you don't know it?

The last few weeks have gone by so quickly.

In the midst of Thanksgiving I applied and interviewed for a part time job that would take care of my bills.  

I also told God if I got this job I would do something He has laid on my heart.... which would be a huge step in my life.

It was by far the weirdest process for applying for a job...all online and the interview was a phone call.

I got an email a few days later saying they would not be making a decision immediately but in a few weeks.

I was disappointed.  

It was just another emotion added to my wackiness!  

The last few weeks have been emotionally hard.  There was  war in my heart.

Excitement wars with fear.  

Relief wars with a broken heart.

Peace wars with confusion. 

Disappointment wars with hope.  

Loneliness wars with love.

For months I have sailed along with a wait attitude.  Just waiting and seeing what He was going to do.

As my last day at my current job approached I started getting antsy.  Money is tight and my saving would deplete quickly without a job.  If I did not find a job it would be the first time in more than 15 years I would be without one.

Trusting God has never come easy for me but there was a peace in trusting Him this year and even though I was getting antsy... I trusted that whatever was to come He would know best.

Last Monday as I was babysitting my niece my phone rang.  I went to get it and recognized the number as similar to the one that had called me for a phone interview.  Quickly saying a prayer I answered the phone.

Within moments of picking up the phone my niece started crying.  Of course of all moments it would be this one!  I apologized purfusely but told her I would have to call her back and went to get Sass.

Sass calmed as soon as I picked her up.  And cuddling with me we settled in on the couch and started watching Toy Story....and I called the lady back.  I listened to her and then they extended the offer and I said yes.

After I hung up I told Sass guess what....Aunt Christy will not be un-employed!  Yay!  And being her cute self she clapped and yayed with me!

It was such a fun little moment to share with her.

All week long God moments took place.  A new job, conversations, timing, little things that can only come from Him filled my days.  He blessed me with two jobs for this month.

I realized something last week.

God?

He loves us extravagantly.

Extravagant means going beyond what is deserved.

From the big things to the tiny things His love is extravagant.

The more I think of it the more I realize that too is what this season is about.

Extravagant love.

He who created the world sent a tiny baby to save us all.

A baby that lived to die.  Redemption came. 

Love came.

One whose blood washed us white as snow that day on calvary.

He who knew pain and shame beyond what we could imagine because His love for us was so extravagant.

As I ponder and remember the birth that changed our world so long ago....

I am in awe of extravagant love.

As only He can give us.

Best of all?

His love is freely and wonderfully given.

My heart needed to be reminded of His extravagant love.

 

I hope you remember you are extravagantly loved this Christmas season!

Joining with the SDG Sisters at Jen's today.

 

P.S.  Don't forget As of Late is this Thursday!

P.P.S.  Also...don't forget our last Christmas Party Friday is this Friday...it is a complete the sentence party and I will post the sentences on Thursday so you can have them for your blog post!

A Reflection on My Year of Freedom.

I cannot believe it's almost been a year.... my journey toward freedom...it seems as if it just started and yet here I am and at such a different place... and one I am forever grateful for. I had no idea what He had in store when this One Word journey started!

I actually went back through and read all the posts I had marked with freedom.  Each post a reminder of what He has done and what He continues to do.

Several things come to mind when I ponder on this year.  Things that I learned and that I hope to always keep in my heart.

-- True freedom is found when you trust Him...wholly and completely.

-- He is not safe...but He is GOOD.

-- Being brave and courageous doesn't mean not being afraid but rather doing something in spite of the fear because you have deemed it more important than your fear.

-- Faith is not meant to be safe...we are meant to take risks.  He did.

-- Life is an adventure and it is meant to be lived daringly.

-- There are far better things ahead than what I am leaving behind.  We are meant to move forward and not look back for the past is gone.

-- Be present in my daily life.  Stop looking to the past for it is already gone and the future?  It has not come yet.  We have only this day and I need to live it to the fullest.

This year was a year of making decisions in spite of fear... having courage to do what I needed to do and what He has been asking me to do.

-- I quit my nice safe and very comfortable job.  My last day is 12/15.  When I gave my resignation that date seemed so far away.  I will say a 6 month notice is one of the hardest things ever... a very long season of wait.

-- Waiting has been a theme this year... and I am learing to trust in His timing...knowing He has my very best interest at heart.

-- I opened up my heart and He has started healing some things that have long been broken and that I hid behind.

-- I started letting go of baggage I had long carried.

-- I started tearing down the walls of the box I had lived in for so long because I liked safe and comfortable.

-- I opened my heart to allow Him to direct my steps and He is leading me to Nashville at some point in 2012. 

--  You can be both terrified and excited all at once!

-- I started trusting Him completely... for first time in my life.

And this journey?  It inspired a whole series on Becoming.

Because I have been becoming the preson I am meant to be.  

Letting go... growing... waiting... learning...listening....

 

And as the December days slip by and we get closer to a new year (and a new word!) I am so thankful for my word this year.  For the journey it has taken me on....and for getting to know Him deeper and more intimately than I thought possible.

I am learning how to fly.

And that?

Is true freedom.

Linking up with Grit and Glory's One Word Community and at Jen's for our SDG sisterhood.

image via pinterest.

Falling In Love.

I had a friend reading a book.  She kept telling me to get it.

Then one of my dearest friends started reading it and she raved about it.

The book?  Beautiful Outlaw.

I finally ordered it and it came last Tuesday and I read one chapter.

I wept through the chapter as I saw a side of my Jesus I had never thought of.  Never really wanted to think of.  

Life got in the way after that one chapter and today in order to calm my nerves I picked the book back up.

The second chapter made me realize I put Jesus in a box.

A box I think a lot of people put Him in.

I mean He is Jesus.  A part of the triune God.

I had only seen the parts I hear from the Church and others.  A two dimensional Jesus.  Compassionate and Loving.  But truthfully I have always known there is more.  I just did not want to get to know the more.

I am realizing though that I never thought of Jesus as a man.

John Eldredge says this:

"What about his great acts of playfulness, or cunning?  What about his brilliance, his wit, his irreverence, the scandalous freedom with which Jesus lives, his exasperation and impatience?  Not to mention his humanity we have nearly forgotten he was man." page 16, Beautiful Outlaw.

In letting go of my old thoughts and getting to know Him anew I am seeing a man to fall in love with.  

Playful.  Funny.  Sarcastic at times.  Cunning.  Loyal.  Brilliant.  Witty.  

I understand him in his exasperation and impatience.

I think I have always kept the religiousness as a separator.

To keep me from fully falling in love with Him.  

In many ways thinking it would not hurt as much if he did not love me back.  My head knowing the truth already....nothing I do can separate me from him.  He is love.  He loves me.  Just as I am.

My heart so far behind still beating myself up for my past, present, and future indiscretions.

Fear has kept me from fully experiencing Jesus.

John Eldredge goes on to point out that the very thing that makes us love our family and friends, their personality, is something we don't take time to get to know in our Jesus.

When I am reading the Word...I am not thinking of His personality...looking to see what He was like.  I am reading for knowledge or to learn....what?  I am not even sure of any more.  I just did things by rote.  Because it is what I am suppose too.  The good little Christian girl.

I am learning there is more to me.  More to him.  And the mold of good little Christian girl does not fit anymore.

As I read Beautiful Outlaw...I am going to go back and re-read the books that introduced Him to me so long ago.  Matthew. Mark. Luke. John.  I am going to look, really look, deeper and get to know Jesus as he was and is.  His personality quirks.  What made him sad.  What made him laugh.  Who his friends were and why he loved them.  

My heart wants more and is going to get more.

It is going to get Jesus.  Full on no holds barred...JESUS.

I can't wait to fall in love.

Joining with the SDG sisters today at Finding Heaven.

The Journal.

Writing.

It's how I communicate best.

If you want to know how I really feel...write me an email and I will send you one back full of me.  My feelings.  My randomness.  My thoughts.  My frustrations and confusions.  

Earlier this year I started a journal to God.  One night in the midst of pain I grabbed a composition notebook and pencil and I started writing.  For hours I wrote.  Not paying attention to what I was writing really...just writing what was on my heart that I needed to get out.

In all honesty...I started it because I was angry with Him.  I needed to just get how I was feeling out on paper.

Paper and pencil.

They have become a necessary part of my journey this year.

For months I have scribbled my thoughts and prayers to Him.

At times I also avoided the journal because I did not want to deal with how I was feeling.  Sooner or later though I would pick up the notebook and pencil and write.

This weekend as I picked up the notebook I took my first look back at the beginning pages.  Let's just say it was a rough time and tears immediately came to my eyes.

As I read the pages I cried.

My heart was in a painful place.

Page after page I read....

My tears of sorrow became tears of joy as I read.

How my heart changed after I began trusting Him with my whole life instead of just small parts.

Even now days later I am overwhelmed with what He has done this year.   

Freedom.  

And as I reflect on the wonderful things He has given me this year I am so thankful for a composition notebook and a pencil. 

Two simple things that helped bring about change deep within.

He can use anything...even paper and pencil, to help bring us to where we need to be.

There is such beauty in that.

 

What simple thing are you grateful for today?

P.S.  Don't forget about my Dayspring giveaway!  It ends Tuesday night!

 

Joining with the sweet SDG community.

I Am The Girl That....

I stumbled across an old blog post from 2009 a few nights ago.  Truthfully when I looked at the date I was shocked to see how long ago it was....it seemed like I had just written it.

As I read it I realized how much I have changed...and yet some things have remained the same. So I decided to remix that old post a little and remember who that girl is today...November 14, 2011.

I am the girl that...

wants authenticity in a community of friends that I love.

desires to be part of a church where their first priority is to be the Church.

wants to meet the man of her dreams. 

is afraid of meeting the man of her dreams.

is learning what courage and bravery really are.

wants to be accepted for who she truly is and not who she has pretended to be.

wants to be a better writer.

will have adventure be a part of her story.

needs reminders that trust and faith and hope are foundations in which He builds our lives.

has really great days.

has really stinky, hide under the covers days.

wishes things were different.

wishes things would stay the same.

has dreams and wants to live them out.

is excited for the next chapter of her life that is coming.

is terrified for the next chapter of her life that is coming.

not only needs but wants to live a better story.

desires a few friendships so deep they can only be called friends of the heart.

wants laughter in her life every single day.

will be the very best Aunt she can be.

is breaking free from the bonds of the past and the box she put herself in to become the girl He created all those years ago.

seeks freedom and will find it...in Him.

is shy and introverted and is okay with that.

is a nerdy dork...and is okay with that.

has let go of a religious past to embrace a relational future.

experienced (and is experiencing) healing in her brokenness.

love to give affirmations and encouragement. 

desires to be affirmed and encouraged.

is learning to live her story to the fullest!

 

I am the girl that knows to the very depths of her soul and the He loves (and likes!) and created me for this time for a wonderful story to be written of my life.

P.S.  As of Late is this Thursday!  Cannot wait to hear what is going on with YOU as of late!  And if you want to share your story on CJ blog in 2012... just check out the sidebar :)

 

Joining with the sweet sisters of SDG today. Happy First Anniversary!! What a beautiful community this is :)

Live Life Daringly.

I am not a risk taker.

I don't do roller coasters or anything the least bit daring.

Over the years I have just convinced myself that this is the way life is.

If you had asked me a few years ago if faith meant risk and daring I would have laughed and said no way.

For years I thought faith was simple.  Comfortable.  Like your favorite pajamas.  It just fit...soft and perfect.  Truthfully I like to have my faith controlled....by me.

On my journey to freedom this year I have found this to be far from true.

When I made some hard decisions a few months ago they were full of risk.  Completely out of my control....daring risks.  I don't do well when I am not in control.  Add in choices that involve risk.  Terrified is the word that comes to mind.

The past few months have been hard. Harder than I thought...but at the same time I don't know a time when I have felt more alive.

He has taught me that faith is risky.  It's suppose to be.  We take step after step... and in faith we trust that the next step is there because He is who He says He is.  

Beliving in Him.  Knowing Him.  Trusting Him.  

He is faithful.

For me to be faithful to Him it means taking steps and not knowing where my foot is going to land.  It means trusting that He knows best and He is in control.  It means knowing He is there beside me....and I keep moving foward writing my story one chapter at a time.

 

Excitement and Terror war within my heart.

I am completely excited for the new things He has in store for me.

I am also completely terrifed of the new things He has in store for me.

 

More than anything over the last few months I have learned that to truly live you have to take daring risks.  To move forward... to be brave enough to know what is coming is more important than fear.

I want to be fully alive in this time He has given me.  I want to help Him write my story. One that is full of the colors of love and broad strokes of risks, courage, excitement, terror, and LIFE.

I want to live life daringly.

I must become a risk taker.  I want more.  I want the adventure He has made life to be.  

Live. Life. Daringly.  

Are you?  Can you?  Will you?

 

Joining Jen and the SDG ladies today.

Go Confidently.

Sunday afternoon I had dinner with my extended family to celebrate some birthdays.  It's always fun to have a large group at a restaurant... at the end of dinner as we stood outside talking my cousin asked about the big changes coming in my life.  He then looked at me and said...go after your dreams Christy.  Do. It.  Wherever they take you... Go.  He will never know how much I needed to hear those words at that time on that day.

One of the struggles for me as of late has been figuring out my passion...followed by what my dream(s) really are.  I know what others have suggested but I want to know deep down that my passion is my calling and those dreams...well they are more.

More than what I have been doing.  More than what I can imagine.  More than my comfort zone.  Just...more.

Confidence is an issue for me.  Always has been.  We are working on it.... He and I.  But the journey toward confidence is a hard one.

But lately a quote from Thoreau has been on my mind....

 

Source: None via Christy on Pinterest

 

Don't you just love that first part?  Go confidently in the direction of your dreams!

It is what I was doing for a while.  Things were exciting and it was all so new.

But I think ...no...I know... fear caught up with me.  Fear in different ways... distractions, worries, weariness, over-thinking, friend issues.... oh I am sure I could continue this list!

The quote keeps coming to mind... and then with what my cousin said...

I realized sometimes you just have to look fear in the face and take a step forward.

That's courage.

That's confidence.

Here's the thing...taking that step...He is already there... waiting and encouraging.

In Him I find courage.  In Him I find confidence.

And I move forward...with Him...in the direction of my dreams.

What a story I will have.

Today...I encourage you...to move confidently and courageously forward, toward your dreams,  dear ones.  Your story is bring written and it is more beautiful than you know.

 

Linking up with Jen and the SDG Sisters.