Critty Joy

5 Years.

Saturday August, 17, 2012 marked my 5th year of blogging anniversary/birthday.

5 years.

Wow.

 

It's been an amazing journey.

Funny how what started out as a creative outlet has turned into so much more.  

My first post was just a short welcome.....and my very first real post was a mumbling of life at the time.

A lot has happened in the last 5 years...

I became an aunt.

I lost one of the most beautiful people in my life.

I shed my secure, safe, job.

I wrote a 31 day blog series! (and I am doing it again... I must be crazy!)

I wrote a post for (in) courage and it's still a favorite.

I shared my story.  It was freeing.

I opened Delighted Designs and had my very first client!

I shared lots of favorite things and things I ♥!

I've gotten creative with my many quotables.

I have had years of journey and the confirmation He gave me...twice.  A year of hope and one of freedom and the reflections of spending a year focusing on it. And now a year of Dare!

I shared my favorite posts from 2009 and 2010 ...and wrote of a decade of life gone by.

 

I have changed. So very much.

Became confident.  Let go of many things.

Shared my heart.

Laughed and cried.

Learned to grab hold of adventure and live a great story.

Even on the hard days I am so reminded of how beautiful life is.  This blog has captured my life in an unexpected way and to be able to look back and see what He has done...has been a gift I never expected.

 

And then there is YOU.  One of the most amazing aspects of this journey with CJB has been meeting some of the most beautiful people I know.  You.  The ones who come here and encourage me...the ones who email me with their story or comment on my FB page...the ones who make me laugh on twitter.  

Some of my dearest friends came out of this blogging thing.  :)

You are a gift that came through this little ole blog and I could not be more grateful.

Thank you.  For reading my words and encouraging my heart... and for walking along side me.

You make my life richer by being in it.

I never would have guessed that August day in 2007 that this internet home would become so much more than I could dream.

I so look forward to journeying together in the coming years.  :)

 

Much love,

 

Extravagant Love.

Does your heart ever need something so deeply...yet you don't know it?

The last few weeks have gone by so quickly.

In the midst of Thanksgiving I applied and interviewed for a part time job that would take care of my bills.  

I also told God if I got this job I would do something He has laid on my heart.... which would be a huge step in my life.

It was by far the weirdest process for applying for a job...all online and the interview was a phone call.

I got an email a few days later saying they would not be making a decision immediately but in a few weeks.

I was disappointed.  

It was just another emotion added to my wackiness!  

The last few weeks have been emotionally hard.  There was  war in my heart.

Excitement wars with fear.  

Relief wars with a broken heart.

Peace wars with confusion. 

Disappointment wars with hope.  

Loneliness wars with love.

For months I have sailed along with a wait attitude.  Just waiting and seeing what He was going to do.

As my last day at my current job approached I started getting antsy.  Money is tight and my saving would deplete quickly without a job.  If I did not find a job it would be the first time in more than 15 years I would be without one.

Trusting God has never come easy for me but there was a peace in trusting Him this year and even though I was getting antsy... I trusted that whatever was to come He would know best.

Last Monday as I was babysitting my niece my phone rang.  I went to get it and recognized the number as similar to the one that had called me for a phone interview.  Quickly saying a prayer I answered the phone.

Within moments of picking up the phone my niece started crying.  Of course of all moments it would be this one!  I apologized purfusely but told her I would have to call her back and went to get Sass.

Sass calmed as soon as I picked her up.  And cuddling with me we settled in on the couch and started watching Toy Story....and I called the lady back.  I listened to her and then they extended the offer and I said yes.

After I hung up I told Sass guess what....Aunt Christy will not be un-employed!  Yay!  And being her cute self she clapped and yayed with me!

It was such a fun little moment to share with her.

All week long God moments took place.  A new job, conversations, timing, little things that can only come from Him filled my days.  He blessed me with two jobs for this month.

I realized something last week.

God?

He loves us extravagantly.

Extravagant means going beyond what is deserved.

From the big things to the tiny things His love is extravagant.

The more I think of it the more I realize that too is what this season is about.

Extravagant love.

He who created the world sent a tiny baby to save us all.

A baby that lived to die.  Redemption came. 

Love came.

One whose blood washed us white as snow that day on calvary.

He who knew pain and shame beyond what we could imagine because His love for us was so extravagant.

As I ponder and remember the birth that changed our world so long ago....

I am in awe of extravagant love.

As only He can give us.

Best of all?

His love is freely and wonderfully given.

My heart needed to be reminded of His extravagant love.

 

I hope you remember you are extravagantly loved this Christmas season!

Joining with the SDG Sisters at Jen's today.

 

P.S.  Don't forget As of Late is this Thursday!

P.P.S.  Also...don't forget our last Christmas Party Friday is this Friday...it is a complete the sentence party and I will post the sentences on Thursday so you can have them for your blog post!

Falling In Love.

I had a friend reading a book.  She kept telling me to get it.

Then one of my dearest friends started reading it and she raved about it.

The book?  Beautiful Outlaw.

I finally ordered it and it came last Tuesday and I read one chapter.

I wept through the chapter as I saw a side of my Jesus I had never thought of.  Never really wanted to think of.  

Life got in the way after that one chapter and today in order to calm my nerves I picked the book back up.

The second chapter made me realize I put Jesus in a box.

A box I think a lot of people put Him in.

I mean He is Jesus.  A part of the triune God.

I had only seen the parts I hear from the Church and others.  A two dimensional Jesus.  Compassionate and Loving.  But truthfully I have always known there is more.  I just did not want to get to know the more.

I am realizing though that I never thought of Jesus as a man.

John Eldredge says this:

"What about his great acts of playfulness, or cunning?  What about his brilliance, his wit, his irreverence, the scandalous freedom with which Jesus lives, his exasperation and impatience?  Not to mention his humanity we have nearly forgotten he was man." page 16, Beautiful Outlaw.

In letting go of my old thoughts and getting to know Him anew I am seeing a man to fall in love with.  

Playful.  Funny.  Sarcastic at times.  Cunning.  Loyal.  Brilliant.  Witty.  

I understand him in his exasperation and impatience.

I think I have always kept the religiousness as a separator.

To keep me from fully falling in love with Him.  

In many ways thinking it would not hurt as much if he did not love me back.  My head knowing the truth already....nothing I do can separate me from him.  He is love.  He loves me.  Just as I am.

My heart so far behind still beating myself up for my past, present, and future indiscretions.

Fear has kept me from fully experiencing Jesus.

John Eldredge goes on to point out that the very thing that makes us love our family and friends, their personality, is something we don't take time to get to know in our Jesus.

When I am reading the Word...I am not thinking of His personality...looking to see what He was like.  I am reading for knowledge or to learn....what?  I am not even sure of any more.  I just did things by rote.  Because it is what I am suppose too.  The good little Christian girl.

I am learning there is more to me.  More to him.  And the mold of good little Christian girl does not fit anymore.

As I read Beautiful Outlaw...I am going to go back and re-read the books that introduced Him to me so long ago.  Matthew. Mark. Luke. John.  I am going to look, really look, deeper and get to know Jesus as he was and is.  His personality quirks.  What made him sad.  What made him laugh.  Who his friends were and why he loved them.  

My heart wants more and is going to get more.

It is going to get Jesus.  Full on no holds barred...JESUS.

I can't wait to fall in love.

Joining with the SDG sisters today at Finding Heaven.

Rain Will Fall.

I have never really be a rain person before.  I understood it's need but never really saw it's beauty.

 

A few weeks ago we had an amazing storm.  The rain was falling heavily and the lightning and thunder was close.

I opened our back door and watched.  I stood with my hand out catching the rain and letting it roll down my arm.  It soon got so intense that I had to shut the door but I still stood there and watched for the longest time.

It was amazing.  The splendor of that storm.  It was beauty and fury all rolled into one event.

 

I thought about that storm for days.  

How the sky looked.

How the trees looked.

How the rain splashed onto our stoop and driveway.

How the lightning was streaking across the sky.

The sounds of the rain and the thunder.

It had never occured to me before that a storm could be anything but dangerous.

Beauty comes in the oddest places.

Including the rain.

 

Most of us don't view rain as a good thing...it interrupts plans, it causes inconvenience, for some the dreary days are not happy days.

I am learning though that into our life rain must fall.

Those hard days where nothing is easy and the bad news keeps coming.

Those days when grief overwhelms.

Those days were bitterness overcomes.

Those days when anger overtakes.

Those days when hurt is overbearing.

 

Even on those rainy days...there is beauty.  

Rain will fall.  

Grief, bitterness, anger, and hurt will prevail but He is with us on those days too.

It's always easy to see Him in the good days.  The day full of sunshine and bright blue skies.

But on those grey days with heavy rain....He is harder to see.

He is still there.

In the midst of the rain.

Loving us.  Holding Us.

Always.

We get to choose regret or rejoice.  Regret for those rainy days or rejoice in knowing we are not alone and that rain will fall...but sunshine will return.

So on those rainy days... rejoice in the knowledge He is for you.  Always.

He is for You.

If God is for us, who can be against us? Romans 8:31b

If you are broken...He is for you.

If you are bitter...He is for you.

If you are lonely...He is for you.

If you are angry...He is for you.

If you are embattled on every side....He is for you.

If you just can't catch your breathe in the chaos of life...He is for you.

If you are mired in religion...He is for you.

If you have given up hope...He is for you.

If you feel defeated....He is for you.

If you feel beaten down by the world...He is for you.

If you can't take another step in your journey...He is for you.

If you are faithless....He is for you.

If you are grieving....He is for you.

If you are lost and confused...He is for you.

If you are sick...He is for you.

If you are weary...He is for you.

If you all you hear is the enemy's lies screaming at you....He is for you.

If you feel worthless...He is for you.

 

He is for you.

Always.

He is with you.

Always.

 

And if Our God is for us, then who could ever stop us
And if our God is with us, then what can stand against? 

 

Joining with Jen and the SDG sisterhood today.

Heart Cracks.

(A CJ original writing.  Tomorrow I will have a CJ Backstory post about the story behind this writing.)

 

 

At 8 she is a care free girl with innocence.  She dances through life seeing the beauty and splendor of all that surrounds her.

 

At 10 she sits on the school bus and a girl who was her friend and flounces by the seat and says I don’t want to be your friend any more...you’re not pretty enough.  Her heart cracks.

 

At 13 she sits on the bench outside school looking at a magazine and it tells her that her brown hair is not as pretty as blonde hair.  Her heart cracks.

 

At 14 she sits with friends in their favorite lunch spot and one of her friends tells her she should not eat her dessert she is looking a little fat today.  Her heart cracks.

 

At 15 her first love tells her he met another girl he likes better.  Her heart cracks.

 

At 19 her parents divorce.  Her heart cracks.

 

At 21 she is abused by her boyfriend.  He hurls the most ugly words and they take up residence in her mind and heart.  Her heart cracks.

 

Life continues....

She cannot seem to be enough at college.  Her heart cracks.

She meets the man of her dreams and she thinks he will heal her heart. Her engagement falls apart.  Her heart cracks.

 

It just becomes too much and her heart implodes into a million little pieces.

 

Broken.  It seems forever.  

 

She decides that risking her heart is just too much and vows that no one will ever make it past the wall she puts up.

 

One day she meets Him.

The One.

He pursues her.

He woos her.

He tells her He loves her.

She loves Him.

 

In the silence of the night she hears Him whisper, I want to fix your broken heart.  He tells her that in her brokenness life can be found.  Beauty can be found.

In fear, she runs.  She hides.

It is of no use.

He loves her too much to let her heart stay broken.

He once again pursues her.  Each place she hides He finds her.... And she hears the whispered words over and over again.  

I love you.  Just as you are. 

I love you.  Just as you are.  

I love you.  Just as you are.

His Words become a healing balm to her heart.

She seeks His help more and more as the days go by.  

She discovers His Word.... She discovers friends of her heart.  He brings things into her life that show her among the pain there is beauty.

Slowly each piece of her broken heart is mended back together by His Hands.

It looks or feels nothing like it did before.

She feels stronger.

More courageous.

 

She ventures out again.

Risking her heart...

 

 

In the No.

I must admit...this growing thing is hard.

It seems last week He wanted me to learn several lessons at once.

Let's just say it was not pretty and I am sure I will be revisiting those lessons again...soon.

The learning?  It did not go well.

I find that when weary in one area if affects all areas of your life.  

I have been quite weary as of late.

It was so easy two and a half months ago....it was easy a month ago....now... it's not.

I have to remind myself that faith is not easy.  If it was....I am pretty sure every one would believe.  I have to remind myself that the hard lessons turn into the most beautiful things.

In my weariness I often tell Him no.

No.  I don't want to make this choice.

No.  I don't want to learn this lesson.

No.  I don't want to put new boundaries in place.

No.  I don't want to do anything I don't want to do.  (I imagine I also stomp my foot at times with this one...with my lower lip sticking out in a pout too.)

No. No. No.

Part of me thinks He is shaking His head at me in disappointment.  The other part of me knows this is not true.  That He is there with me on this path of my choosing...just walking along side me...waiting...and letting me know there are different paths.  He is good at the patience thing.  And the love thing.

 

A friend reminded me the other day that to grow sometimes pruning has to happen.  Some times things have to be cut off so that growth continues....so that beauty can come.

 

Pruning.   It's one of those words you just don't like.  

 

Last week He showed me some areas He wants to prune.

My immediate reaction... as you can see was...no.

 

Thankfully He backed off.

He gave me time to think.  Even though that can be dangerous for an over-thinker.

As I thought....about the pruning and the growing... I thought about roses.  Sunday afternoon as I journaled it occurred to me to get the most beautiful roses each year you have to prune....

I want a beautiful story.

Filled with grace and mercy and love and faith and adventure and characters that bring joy.

In the growing and the pruning it is making room for those things.

While writing in my trusty ole composition notebook I wrote the question... do you want your life to have the beauty of a rose? 

For the first time in a week...I answered yes to a question.

And as I sat there and pondered...I realized I have to say yes.

Steps of faith require a yes.  

Beautiful stories require a yes.

Adventures require a yes.

Mostly....

Love. 

Growth and pruning are about love.....and love?

Love requires a yes.

He Loves You.... Because He Loves You....

I had the wonderful honor of attending the most beautiful wedding Friday night... my darling cousin Jennifer married her sweet fiance Chris.  It seriously was the most beautiful and special wedding I have ever been too... which should not surprise me knowing how special Jenn and Chris are.  

As part of the ceremony one of their friends read something called Inheritance by Graham Cooke....and it was something that touched my heart so deeply....

So I thought I would share it today so you could be reminded He loves you... because He loves you.... because He loves YOU........

The 6 minutes you listen to this will remind you of who He is and who You are.

And sometimes we just need that reminder.

 

 

So Loved,

The Sassy Girl is 1!!

My darling Niece,

You are 1 today!  Happy, Happy Birthday!  Oh my sassy girl you are one of the delights on my heart.  I cannot help but think of this time last year and all the excitement of waiting for you to arrive...and now we have had you, this amazing little person, in our lives for one whole year.  We have seen you grow and become so curious.  You make us laugh constantly and you truly are unique.  You growl and you laugh and you learned to walk only so you can run I think....and you find beauty in all the small things.  You have made our family even more complete just by being here.  You were the sunshine when the days were cloudy with grief.  I am so thankful our God gave us you.  He gives the best gifts!

I am so blessed to be your Aunt Christy and I will always love you my sassy girl.

<3,

Aunt C.

 

(Her party is this weekend I will definitely share with you more next week!  Her party theme...Look Whoo's 1!  It will be a WOOT!)

 

 

Sin and Hope on Cardboard.

I shared a video several years ago with what had become my favorite song (still is) and how people had shared their testimonies on cardboard.

 

Last week at our annual banquet (for work) some of us participated in our own presentation of cardboard testimonies.  I put mine off until the last moment so unsure what I wanted to say...and as I thought one thing kept coming to mind...and it became my cardboard testimony.

 

That is my cardboard testimony.

I truly was enslaved by the opinions of others....for so very long and I am finally finding freedom in making my OWN choices.

And the freedom I have found in His Love.

 

There was a freedom in writing that out...and in showing it to so many others.  My testimony BIG for everyone to see.

 

So it got me to thinking...these cardboard testimomies are worth celebrating....and then I pondered...

 

If you were to make a cardboard testimony...what would YOURS say?  

 

I would love to know and rejoice with you that freedom does come.  Let's celebrate together!

 

<3,

Joining in with the Soli Deo Gloria sisterhood today.