Critty Joy

One Word 2017

Hello Lovelies!

It’s been a busy two weeks!  I started back to work, the RAs came back and we had training, the students moved back in and it’s been very busy.  Thankfully after this week things will slow down to a somewhat normal pace for higher ed.  At least I can say my job is never boring!

During this time I have been waiting for my one word for 2017.  I was honestly getting disappointed and discouraged that a word had not come. I have had a word for my year since 2009: journey, hope, freedom, dare, embrace, grace, wholehearted, bloom…. Each has significantly shaped my life and my story.  To not have a word this year was disheartening but I knew God must be doing something…

One night I was catching up on some blogs and read Sarah Bessey’s blog about her word.  She mentioned her words in the past and one stuck out in particular so I clicked on the link and proceeded to cry through the whole post because it spoke to my heart so…and then I knew my word….or rather words…

Hebrews 10:23 says… Let us hold fast to the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who has promised is faithful. (NRSV)

Hope has long been something I cling to.  And the last 9 months have been so hard and I have tried to hold onto hope.

As I read Sarah’s post I ugly cried because it was right where I was at.

Discouraged.

Desperate.

Overwhelmed.

Lost.

After I read the verse it hit me…even in the midst of the hard parts of life…He is faithful.  Always.

I needed to keep holding…but more than that hold fast to my confession of hope.  Hold fast to my knowledge that He is faithful.

Sarah went on to say this:

“He is faithful. Hold fast to hope.

Hold fast is an old sailing term, too – tying knots that hold tightly for instance. It means to remain steadfast and immovable, to cling to and adhere, to attach. For the sake of survival and safe passage to the new land, we hold fast … to hope.”

By definition hold fast means: remain tightly secure; continue to believe in or adhere to an idea or principle.

Right now things are hard.  Some I can’t mention yet and we also received really hard news this week we are still processing.  I am tired.  I am discouraged.

But I am holding fast.

To hope.

To belief in who He is.

To knowledge He is faithful.

To the love He has for me.

So let me encourage you if you too are struggling… disheartened…discouraged.

Hold Fast.

Do you have a word for this year dear ones?  I would love to hear all about it!

 

(PS...I have some fun news to share in my next post!)

When Adventure Takes Over....

Why Hello there dear ones!

I must admit I did not mean to abandon this little ole bloggy but life's been...an adventure as of late.  

It's very strange to be so very happy after nine months of really hard things.  Some days it scares me to be this happy yet I choose to embrace it and live life fully.

Oh... why so happy?

Well.

The job?  It's amazing.  I love it.  I work with some amazing people and am enjoying all aspects of it.  It feels like a perfect fit.  Just over a month in and I am overwhelmed with the goodness of it all.  I wake up excited for work and it's been a long time since I felt that way (years!).  

Having my own place is also fabulous.  I am enjoying making it a home each small step at a time.  (saving money for things like a dining room table are a dream come true!).  It already feels like home and I know in the coming months it will become even more my own space that reflects who I am.

And...

There is a guy.  Who is pretty amazing and he makes my life so much more fun.  He is good at getting me out of my comfort zone and he's wonderfully sweet to me.  

Life is lovely.

I feel like this quote has been the beauty of my life lately.  This year has been about giving up dreams and gaining new ones... it's been about hoping when things felt so hopeless.  It's been about choosing joy on the hard days.  It's been full of choosing trust and even on the most frustrating days.

A year of dare...that has turned out to be more than I could have ever imagined.

I am so grateful for the gift that has been this year...the beauty that has come from ashes and the hope that has sprung forth in the most unusual of ways.

I am not sure what this blog will look like for a while...as I try to navigate my new chapter of life.   

I will still be around on facebook and twitter as I try to figure out what this space will become.  Know that I think of y'all often dear ones!

My hope is that each of you are well... what has been going on with YOU lately?

 

Much love,

 

Related articles

A Wild Adventure....

Love Does by Bob Goff.

Reality and The Sea.

The Back and Forth.

Last week I listed my struggles in my journal.

Every single one I could think of I wrote it down.

It's a bit hard to see a list of things that seem impossible to overcome.

Yet...I needed to write them down...and then lay them down.

I am terrible at laying things down before Him.  

My struggles usually are head vs. heart...or the hope and despair kind.

My head and heart struggles are no a given day... my worth, my weight, negative thoughts, fear, trust....

The hope and despair are often of the waiting in so many areas,  being alone vs loneliness, fear, trust....

Some days as I prepare for bed I wonder why I am so exhausted and realize at times it is because of fighting so hard.

This year, my year of dare, is also about daring to trust Him in all things.

While I am working on it I still try most days to do it in my own strength.

Never has that been more apparent that this last week as I try to wait patiently to see if I got this job I want so badly.

Morning time would be praying and giving it over to Him....

by 2 p.m. I would have take the problem back and wrestle between hope that I would get it but telling myself all the positive things about the interview and my skills...and the despair in telling myself I had to be kidding there was no way I would get it...by tearing myself down and assuming the worst.

Then later in the quiet I would lay it back down at His feet....

The back and forth.

It's exhausting.

And I must decide to fully trust or continue to be exhausted and weary.

I feel such peace when I lay things down before Him... yet I like control and want to control (okay I want the illusion of control) in my life.

It's funny how one little revelation snowballs until you see before you that most of your struggles originate from one place...

and that that thing you thought you had a come a long way in...that trust thing... is still a big work in progress.

As for the waiting thing... my friend, Amanda, tweeted this verse and it's my Word to cling to this week.

Yes.  This waiting is hard. And maybe I need a perspective shift as to what I am waiting on and for.  Something I will be thinking about and praying on this week.

And my list of struggles....I will see them in my journal often and remember that I am laying them down because I trust Him.  Because He knows me better than even I know myself.

I am going to work on that being enough.

 

What Word are you clinging too this week?

 

P.S.  Thank you SO much for your kind words on my new endeavor, Delighted Designs.  Also if you are interested in guesting during my series on prayer please email me!  I would adore you visiting my internet home with your words.  <3

Reality and The Sea.

Hello Lovelies!

First... prepare for randomness.  ;)

So.  It's back to reality this week.  I must admit my heart is very much missing the beach.  I think if I could live there I would.  There is something wonderfully peaceful about it.  The mountains are beautiful but the beach will always have my heart.  :)

The last few days of vacation were lovely.

I did catch the sunrise our last full day there....

I was also able to have dinner with my sweet friend Alison.  It's so fun to meet your internet friends and they become real life friends.  

And then I had the best dessert ever.  French macarons.

And here we are back to reality and lots of job searching and trying to figure things out.

I usually am ready to come home after vacation but this time I feel like I left a part of my heart at the sea.  I posted this quote on FB, "The cure for anything is salt water - sweat, tears, or the sea.” --Isak Dinesen.  I found it especially true as I often sat at the ocean staring out into it's vastness, just taking it in.  I think that is why I feel as if a part of my heart is still there because for the first time in a long time my heart was peaceful and quiet.  Just enjoying the moments and soaking in the beauty.

Maybe part of me wants to be at the beach because it isn't reality.  It's easy to forget how hard life is right now.  No job searching.  No stress about money.  No worrying about what I want to do.  

Just being.

Reality intruded so quickly this week.

I found it so easy to hope with the sand beneath my feet, the wind blowing my hair, and the sound of the waves crashing crashing on the shore.  

Now I find myself trying to grasp it and it feels like it is slipping away.

Frustration came quickly.  Confusion at what He is doing and what He wants me to do.

Hopelessness.

Sadness.  (The 18th marked 2 years since my darling Memaw passed away...grief is a sneaky thing...)

It happens so quickly....the feelings bombarding your heart.  Truthfully I have been thinking of YOU, yes, you...the ones who know the frustrations, the confusion, the sadness, and the hopelessness.  Maybe because I know how hard it is and how much it hurts... just know you are not alone.  <3

So this week I am going to work hard on two things... holding on to hope even when I feel it slipping through my fingers and looking for beauty.  

Because I know I have to keep trying to see the beauty and hope.  To know He has a plan and His timing is better than mine (I keep having to convince myself of this...ha!) and that there is a purpose for all of this.

So that's where I am.... How are you lovelies?  What are you going to be work on this week?

 

Random Friday Musings.

Hello Peaches!

I had some random things to share and what better day to share than on a Friday?  

There have been a few posts lately that have touched my heart...especially about hope...

Two have been guest posts on Lore Ferguson's Blog Sayable... Lore is a new to me blog find and I am enjoying her guests....and reading her back posts.

Hope is Circular was something my heart needed to read... and Hope is Breaking did this single girl's heart good in knowing I am not alone.

Jon Acuff's post on Loving the Unlovable brought me to tears because it is something so close to my heart right now.

My dear friend Amanda had this quote on her blog, Ruin is a gift - Elizabeth Gilbert, and she also linked to this post which messed me up but gave me hope.  :)

*******************

See this girl:

she is turning 2 two weeks from today.  Time is going by much too quickly!  

******************

 

I have been thinking on this and decided to just put it out there.... 

Would you like to guest post on Critty Joy Blog in June?

I am not going to blog over our vacation coming up and I decided to put a call out to you if any of YOU want to guest post while I am on vacation.

It would be a pretty quick turn around as I would need your post by June 7.

The topic could be anything but right now I am really pondering hope, imperfection, faith, dare, freedom, story, and the list could go on.  And you can always share part of YOUR story.  :)

You can leave a comment here or email me: crittyjoyblog {at} gmail {dot} com

I will definitely be posting photos of our trip through instagram so if you are there you can find me (crittyjoy), on twitter, and on facebook!  

*****************

Today's plans include getting a hair cut and finally seeing The Avengers and then a weekend getting caught up on things.

Do you have any fun plans this weekend?

 

Have a delightful weekend dear ones!

 

Hope Laughs.

This year was suppose to be different.

Oh how I set myself up.

I get my plans in mind and forget His.

Then to have a year of dare?

Daring to live differently, on purpose, freely, courageously.

At the same time my heart struggles daily with one simple thing....hope.

This year has also been about daring to hope.

Hope for more.  Hope for bigger dreams.  Hope for things my heart wants but is afraid to admit.

Hope for dreams and prayers to come true.  

Hope is a good thing.

A beautiful thing.

I think at times that is why I am so scared to hold on to it.

When life beats you up you have a tendency to be a pessimist.  

Which means I am letting circumstances determine how I think and feel.

I am working on all of it and He is constantly sending reminders and lessons.

Like the book for book club, Beautiful Outlaw has shown me Jesus in a new way...and now re-discovering Him in the Word?  It makes my heart happy.

Kristen's series Storm has been so challenging and encouraging.  I have yet to listen to last week...partly because of being sick and partly because I am still pondering session 3.  Kristen said one thing that is constantly been on my heart that has helped me hold on to hope....

 

As always feel free to use this image as your desktop background. Just click on the photo and it will open in a different window at full size.

 

This has helped me so much on the hard days... our Hope has already come.  He is here.  When I think I can't do it any more or when it just seems to hard...or when I just want to give in to fear.... this phrase comes to mind.  Hope has come.

And then....there was Monday morning.

After little sleep I woke up still not feeling well and just plain grumpy.  I looked outside and it was cloudy and all I could think of was my bed.

I left for work and as I turned off our road...the sun was breaking through the clouds and I was struck with the gorgeousness of the morning.

Before I knew it I was laughing.

My heart was full of joy and hope in just that simple moment.

He had surprised me with beauty.

I realized...hope laughs.

The thing is...sometimes hope is simple.

It's the sun bursting through the clouds on a grumpy day that brings laughter.

It's the photo of my niece in her sunglasses saying the word ocean as we talk about our trip.

It's the smell of rain right before the first drop falls.

It's the smell of honeysuckle...and taking a trip down memory lane with trying to taste it.

It's a simple gift from a friend.

It's laughing until you are crying with a friend over something you discover and find well...odd.

It's thinking of you texts.

It's family.

So many simple things.

So much of our life is simply...hope. 

And sometimes hope is laughter.

 

P.S.  I promise I will be back to blog visiting and emailing soon.  Still on the mend from this cold/flu.  <3

 

A Reminder...

I wanted to create a visual reminder of what I was working on right now.... holding on to hope.

So I created a desktop background and thought I would share it with you!

I even added a May calendar to one for those of you who miss my quotable wallpapers.  ;)

Just click on the image you choose and it will open in a different window at full size and you can download it from there. (For mac just drag and drop into the file you want.  For PC right click and save as.)

Terrified Excitement and Prayer.

First, I just want to say thank you so much for your kind words through comments and emails last week as I shared my story.   You encouraged my heart so and made me feel loved.  <3

So now you know I am choosing hope.

In many ways that means choosing to trust Him.  No matter what.

It's been hard because of many things but mostly because of not being able to find a job.

I have been looking for a part time job to help me out until I can find a full time job.

I have applied to most every where local to no avail.

At the same time I have put a great deal of work into applying for jobs as a residence director at a college.  College students are some of my favorite people and I feel like I could really do well in the position.

Alas... most of the doors are shutting there.

At times it's hard, this not knowing what I want to do...what is that next step.

Last weekend we had a small family get together with some family...and a chance to catch up and say goodbye to my cousin Jenn and her husband Chris.  (They left for Africa again yesterday on a trip with their non-profit Retouch.  You should definitely check out their awesome ministry!)  

While we chatted they mentioned teaching English in Asia.

My Aunt Kim was like you should do it.

I thought for a few moments and the conversation moved on.

I spent a great deal of last week thinking about it and praying about it.

Doing some research I found that South Korea is one of the best places to teach for a year (or more).  The research fascinated me and I found myself reading all I could about Korea.  

I decided to take a step of faith.

I applied to a recruiter to teach English in South Korea.

Here is what I think....

A step of faith is just that, a step.  It's saying you know what.... I am going to take a risk and see what happens.

So you take that step.... and you seek His Face.

I have no idea what will happen in the coming weeks and months...if I will get a job here, or in another city (I applied to jobs in several different cities!), or even another country.  

However I trust that He is going to guide my steps and open doors and close doors and I am going to see the path He has laid before me the very moment He wants me to see it.

I am terrified.

I am excited!

Ahh...terrified excitement.  It's such a fun place to be.

A place that I trust is fully HIM.

Following Him is not meant to be easy...it's messy and dirty and terrifying.  He asks for hard things.  His timing is different from mine.  

Yet at the same time knowing He is going to lead me on the adventure of a lifetime....just because I am is and He is mine...is exciting and so much more than I can imagine.

Over the next few months I would covet your prayers.  That I would continue to seek His face and that I would trust Him and know He has a plan...and that my footsteps would follow His.

And now...it's your turn.

I would adore praying for YOU.

So today... How can I pray for you?

You can leave a comment here or email me (crittyjoyblog at gmail dot com) if it's something you don't want to share in a comment.

I am going to set time aside this week to carry you to His throne and lay you at His feet and let Him love on you as only He can.

 

The Hope. :: Part 5.

Part 1.

Part 2.

Part 3.

Part 4.

Today's part of the story is what I am currently going through.   It's the end of sorts...but also a beginning.

2 weeks ago after several really rough weeks I spent the weekend quietly in some ways yet it was busy.  Through it all a song lyric came to mind often.  Hold on to hope, love.  

The more I thought about it the more I realized it was something I needed to do.

To just hold on to hope.  To choose every single day to hope.

I was not sure it would make a difference... but it has.

So. Much.

As I have processed through some thing I have realized something...

There is beautiful hope in brokenness.

I have been broken and laid bare this year.  Even experiencing the beauty of freedom... there is still brokenness.  Yet there.  In my brokenness is where I see Him the most.

That's the thing about being broken and laid bare. In all those pieces you can truly see the lies, the walls, every single hurt, all the things that and in seeing it for what it truly is... You see Him.  The One ready to start picking up those pieces and putting them back together.

Oh not the same as it was.

Because once you've been broken the pieces no longer fit together as they once did. He takes each piece walks through that brokenness with you and places it back in you.   It's different.

But then again an encounter with Him should never leave us the same.

We are made new in our brokenness.  

Once we encounter Him.... our brokenness becomes something more.

Something He can use.

And He does.

Hope in my brokenness.  

Hope has helped me accept the brokenness, the numbness, the pain, and the freedom.

Hope is what I choose.  Sometimes it is a daily choice.  A choice that some days I have to make over and over and over.

But it has been so worth it.

So if you are struggling today...

Hold on to hope, love.

 

Hold. On.

I have had the lyrics of a song in my head for a week.

Just one short sentence.

Hold on to hope, love.

Today I am making a choice. I am choosing hope.

To choose hope means to trust.

I have been working on trusting Him but with everything going on I just lost my way. Trust is so very hard for me.

Yet I know I must trust Him. Even when things are hard, frustrating, painful, scary, and oh so confusing.

As I journaled this evening I realized I had to hope.

I have been giving in and letting the confusion and fear control me.

No. More.

I am going to hold into hope.

To hope is to trust. To trust is to know Him.

To know He understands.
To know He cares.
To know His timing is perfect.
To know this hard situation will be redeemed.
To know He has the best for me.
To know He loves me.

He loves me.

There is beautiful, wonderful hope in that.
And I am going to hold on to it.