Critty Joy

A Favorite Summer Night. (Alternate title... Go Braves!)

I mentioned a few weeks ago Braves baseball was one of my favorite things....

Growing up baseball was the sport I knew.  I played softball for years...and my brother played baseball.  It was our thing.

My Pappy was a big Braves fan (even during the hard, lean years!) so we grew up watching the games and taking trips to the Fulton County Stadium.   It was the end of an era when the TED came in and the old Fulton County Stadium was torn down.  

It's always been a family thing....rooting for the Braves.

We watch the games on television and cheer... even Toccoa gets in on the cheering.  She will sit and watch with us, try to do the tomahawk chop, and even knows the name of a few players.  My brother and I often debate stats, who plays the positions better... you name it we talk about it.  (Almost every game my brother and I watch together we chat about how Freddie Freeman is so freakin' tall yet runs so slow!)

Going to a game is one of my favorite things but doesn't happen to often. (If I ever live in Atlanta I will be a season ticket holder.)  Although I was reminded last week...y'all... baseball players are hott.  ;)

Last Thursday we got to go to a game and had a blast!  It was Chipper Jones bobble head night so a fun keepsake from his final season was the first order of business...followed by getting out seats....and sitting.  We got there a little early but I was very okay with it.  Watching batting practice and taking in the views from the TED were more than worth it.  The city of Atlanta is my favorite.

It was a great night with Medlen pitching the whole game, Chipper hitting two home runs, and a BIG WIN.  Out of all the games I have watched at the stadium...this is the first time I have been there for a win.  

We also discovered we adore sitting in the upper level seats.  The view is great and you can see everything.  It was fun to actually see and cheer for our favorites.... Chipper, Freeman, JHey, BMac....  I was surprised I still had a voice at the end of the game!

We really made a point to make a game this year as our favorite is retiring.  Chipper Jones started playing when I was 13 years old.  He was on the team that went all the way and won the world series in 1995... as a Braves fan he has been a constant for 20 years.  Its funny how you get attached to someone you don't even know.

I think my favorite part, however, was watching Nate celebrate at the end of his first major league game as our team won!  We screamed and clapped...and it's a memory I now get to store in my heart.

The game and time with some of my favorite people is now one of my favorite summer memories of 2012.

What has been one of your favorite summer memories from 2012?

The Distant Dad.

(The following post is long.  I thought about splitting into two parts but decided to just leave it as one long post)

This is truthfully not a post I thought I would write.  I have often shared small parts of my story but this part?  It's one of the hardest parts of my story.  It started a few weeks ago with a movie preview and God has been working in my heart since to share it here.  My hope is that it encourages someone and let's them know they are not alone.

Many of you do not know that I have a rather distant relationship with my Dad.  It is not something I share or talk about often.  I am okay with where our relationship is...but it has taken a while for me to be okay with that.

The idea to share my story came a few weeks ago after watching a late night movie with one of my dearest friends.  One of the movie previews was for the new Christian movie, Corageous.  The movie is basically about fathers taking up the challenge the be better fathers.  Watching the preview I was overwhelmed and pain hit swiftly.

That's the thing about pain.... the hurt of some of our life wounds never truly goes away.

For the first 15 years of my life while my Dad and I were not close I had a darling Papaw who in some ways took the place of a dad.  My dad was a truck driver and was often gone. My Papaw took me to many events and stood in as my father more than once.  When my Pappy passed away the pain lingered (and truthfully still does) but I just ignored that anything was wrong or different.

There is also the fact that I am very different from my family.  I am an introvert in a family full of extroverts.  I am a inside, bookish, nerdy girl.  My family enjoys being outside, camping, and car shows just to name a few things.  

I never realized how broken my relationship was with my Dad.  I just assumed it was our differences that made us well... not close.

It's funny how you assume things are normal for so long that you just continue to believe that even though there are signs.

There is also the fact that I was a Christian and he is not.

When I started college the second time I realized how my relationship with my Dad was very different.  

In February of 2005 in one moment it became clear that he was not nor was he ever the person I thought he was.

I changed so much in those moments.  I became a very angry and unforgiving person.  I held offenses and threw verbal barbs at him.

Yes, my Dad made some horrible choices.  I also know now he is who he is.

No matter what I want I have to accept him as the person he is...not the person I think he should be.

Since 2005 God has worked BIG things out in my heart.  He has removed my anger.  He has shown me forgiveness is truly more about you than the other person.  I am such a different person from those moments until now.

That does not mean I don't wish things were different.  My Dad has no idea about what is going on in my life.  Our conversations are surface level at best and I don't talk with him often.

I have learned that I can be okay with this because I have a Heavenly Father who loves me.  Who I can talk too and who knows me the very best.  

Accepting my relationship for what it is with my dad took a long time.  And even in that acceptance it still hurts at times.  

I also know now.... it's okay to feel that hurt.  It's okay to wish it was more.  It's okay to expect and want more out of the relationship.  I want the conversations and the other things that come along with a good relationship.

I know he loves me.  He shows me in his own way...through his checking to make sure my car is running well or reminding me to wash it.  

God used my relationship with my Dad to show me how to accept the people in my life as they are.  

Here is what I do know... Love is to be freely given.  It's not meant to be earned.  I can't with-hold it because I think the person should be different.  I also know giving love freely hurts.  God did not gurantee us a life of no pain.  Jesus was the most wonderful proof of love and in the end... He died for love.

I love my Dad.  Yes.  My relationship with him is distant.  There are many reasons for that but when given the opportunity I love him.  I show him with my words and actions.  At times it is hard.  At times I want to give up.  However, I will not.  Love is too important. 

Yes, some days hurt.  That's life.  

And I want to embrace my life as fully as possible...so embracing the pain and the beauty is important...so I can embrace love.

Know if you have a distant parent in your life...you are not alone and God cares.  Also know others understand.  <3

A Hoot of a Day!

Finally Peaches I can share some fun photos of my sweet niece's First Birthday party!  Let's just say Toccoa had so much FUN!

The theme was cute owls with the phrase...Look Whoo's 1!

This is pretty much what our girl did.  She walked the park and just enjoyed the whole being outdoors!  She seriously had a BLAST!

 

She was not a fan of everyone standing and watching her and singing...poor girl.

 

The cake was tasted....and deemed...YUMMY!

 

The most adorable cake ever!  (Yes we are aware her name is spelled wrong!)

 

One of many gifts.  This horn cracked her up!  (and yes her hair is wet from trying to keep her cool!  It was HOT!)

 

piñata time!  She did not want to give up the bat :)

 

And to end the day a little dip of her feet and hangs into the creek ;)

 

She really did have an amazing day.  She laughed and walked and had yummy cake and chattered her way through the day.

 

And because I cannot not share my new favorite photo I took the night before the party to put in a frame at the party.... my tiny love looking oh so beautiful...

I <3 her.  And thank God for the beautiful gift she is.

 

So it was a wonderfully delightful HOOT of a first birthday party!

Remembering. 1 Year.

I sit here and think about how fast a year can seem to go by...and how at the same time two months ago seems like a year ago.  Life is funny I suppose. 

Today is the 1 year mark of losing my beloved Memaw.  I have quietly known it was coming all week and have felt quieter as the time neared.  And now here we are and I have been remembering.

So I thought I would share with you what I wrote the night she passed away.... it was written in the wee hours of the morning and I have left it as it is. (truthfully this is the first time in a year I have opened it) 

Written June 18, 2010

As I sit here on this night all I can think about is when I was younger I hated my middle name.

I wanted a cool middle name.  At that time I could tell you what constituted a cool middle name and it definitely was not Mae.

I would frequently not tell others my middle name because I just did not like it. 

I also did not find it cool that my Mom and Memaw shared it.  I mean it was great to have a legacy with the name...but at the time...not cool.

I am glad I don’t want to be considered cool anymore.  Because today Mae means all the more to me because I did share it with my Memaw and my Mom.

 

As the oldest grandchild I often felt the luckiest.  I got to know my Papaw and Memaw the longest.  It is and will always be one of the greatest blessings of my life.

It also allowed me to get to know them and to hear wonderful stories from the “olden” days. 

I also picked up some of their habits of course.  If my family was asked they would probably say I am most like my Memaw.

She enjoyed cooking, had a penchant for shoes, handbags, and hats, adored flowers, and loved a good laugh.  She had an independent streak and could be stubborn too.   And I think all of us who knew her best were blessed with her strength.  She had a quiet strength that I now see in my Mum and my cousins Jennifer and Jessica.  Part of her legacy...left for us.

I never realized how much I had in common with her until I lived with her after Papaw died.  I would always go up early and for an hour we would watch a show on Food Network called Emeril Live.  We would talk about what he was cooking, how he was cooking it and if we thought it would be any good.  It became the highlight of my day.

As months and then years passed I began to love the things we had in common.  Even my middle name.  It was a legacy.  From her.  One that I get to carry on. 

Just as every person that has known her gets to carry a small piece of her legacy just by having her in their hearts.  

If you knew Memaw for any length of time you quickly realized she was a world class worrier.  I remember when she told me her favorite verses I soon realized that while she worried....she also looked up...to Him.  Her Maker for help.   

I lift up my eyes to the hills—

       where does my help come from?

  My help comes from the LORD,
       the Maker of heaven and earth.

  He will not let your foot slip—
       he who watches over you will not slumber;

  indeed, he who watches over Israel
       will neither slumber nor sleep.

 The LORD watches over you—
       the LORD is your shade at your right hand;

 the sun will not harm you by day,
       nor the moon by night.

 The LORD will keep you from all harm—
       he will watch over your life;

the LORD will watch over your coming and going
       both now and forevermore.

Psalm 121

The legacy of lifting up our eyes to our Maker.  She taught me that.  She taught us that.

As I sit her and ponder each of the beautiful things she was I think of the legacy she has left behind.

A brother.  A sister.

A daughter. A son.

3 grand daughters.

2 grandsons.

1 great grand daughter.

And so many others.

Family.

Each of us carry a piece of her in our heart. 

Her legacy.

It lives on. 

While our hearts are overwhelmed with saddness today we cannot help but rejoice.  My sweet Memaw heard her Jesus call her name and rose to meet Him.  No more sorrow.  No more pain.  He healed her.  Not in the way we wish but in the way that makes her complete. Whole.  She is with her husband and every beautiful memory she lost here on earth restored.

 -------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Today my heart is sad but I am still chosing to be alive and enjoy the moments of this day too.

And my heart.... remembers her.  Her legacy and her love.

I miss her so.

 

The Sassy Girl is 1!!

My darling Niece,

You are 1 today!  Happy, Happy Birthday!  Oh my sassy girl you are one of the delights on my heart.  I cannot help but think of this time last year and all the excitement of waiting for you to arrive...and now we have had you, this amazing little person, in our lives for one whole year.  We have seen you grow and become so curious.  You make us laugh constantly and you truly are unique.  You growl and you laugh and you learned to walk only so you can run I think....and you find beauty in all the small things.  You have made our family even more complete just by being here.  You were the sunshine when the days were cloudy with grief.  I am so thankful our God gave us you.  He gives the best gifts!

I am so blessed to be your Aunt Christy and I will always love you my sassy girl.

<3,

Aunt C.

 

(Her party is this weekend I will definitely share with you more next week!  Her party theme...Look Whoo's 1!  It will be a WOOT!)