Critty Joy

Why, Hello There!

My goodness.  It's been a while!  For months my heart has longed for words here but I just didn't make the time.  As we come to the end of 2016 (also known as the most awful year ever.) I realized I needed this space.  Much has happened over the last few years.  Beautiful things.  Ugly things.  A whole lot of messy.  A whole lot of glorious hope.

In the end I needed to start putting my words out there again.  So with a brand new look Critty Joy is ready to step into 2017!  Did you know I started writing this blog in 2007?  So 2017 will mark my 10th year.  What better time to re-enter one of my favorite hobbies and enjoy all that it has to offer!

I will be participating in a few things to help me to keep coming to this space and to also share parts of me here...the fun stuff and the messy stuff on the days when I don't feel like writing.

I am going to participate in Modern Mrs. Darcy's reading challenge!

I also want to participate in Leigh Kramer's What I'm Into link up.

It's also time for me to chose my OneWord365 word for 2017.  I've been pondering on it but don't have a solid one yet.

I am going to look into some other things to participate in around bloggy land.  So if you know any good ones please let me know!

There will also be stories about my life... some fun such as my marriage and being a fur mom...and the not so fun stuff as I have decided to document about my struggle with anxiety and depression.  

And lastly... I am feeling the creative bug again so I will be creating wallpapers and other digital art fun here!  I am so excited to start creating...as you can tell I had fun with my new blog look.  :)

 

How are you my friends?  I have missed you so!  

<3

Why Hello There!

It's been a while bloggy land!  For months now I have wanted to write.  I reserved my domain and came back to my home.  (with a small change it is now crittyjoy.me!) and then it sat.  But for weeks it has been stirring in me I need to write.  I miss it.  I changed everything back to Critty Joy because that has long been my moniker and it is me.  It is CJ who has made the most delightful friends in bloggy land and is so glad to be back!  

However I am not the person from a few years ago.  Much has changed.  My journey is different.  I hope to share that here.  My story.  My struggles and my mess.  My triumphs and my joy.  And of course randomness.  It's not the CJ blog without the random!  My passions have changed some.  My heart has definitely changed some.  And embracing those changes has been important.

I came back as Critty Joy because I met the most delightful people on my journey in this space years ago and I want to come back and make this space my home again.  I hope you will join me.  I am not sure exactly how things look...I know for now at least a weekly post...and I do have some great bible studies and books to talk about.  

I hope you will join me again on my journey.  I have missed you so lovelies.  

Snapshots of Summer 2012.

Jen had this fun idea for sharing snapshots of our summer for SDG and my small group is sharing theirs this week.

So be prepared for a long photo filled post as I am doing project 365 and have tons of photos from this summer.  :)  I also adore instagram so my photos are from there.  

Critty's summer included....

This girl turning 2.  We had a fun day at the mall followed by her birthday party that evening.  She had a blast!  I must admit this photo makes my Auntie heart hurt a little.  She is growing so fast.  :)

 

The day she was born and her second birthday.

The following day we left for a week at the beach.  It was just my immediate family (minus my dad) and my sister in law's Mom.  My cousin lives in St Augustine so he joined us a few days.

 

Coa's first evening on the beach.

Sunrise on the beach.

 

 

On my last night in St Augustine I was able to have dinner with a sweet friend. I adore that we connected on the interwebs but now... we have met face to face twice! So glad Alison is in my life.

 

I did a lot of job searching this summer so I followed that up with reading some great books...

 

There is nothing quite like a beautiful evening and a great book.

A day of Nora Roberts and Christmas movies in July!

Love Does by Bob Goff...one of the BEST books I have ever read.

 

I was able to enjoy some of the most wonderful things nature has to offer. 

 

Amazing rainstorms. One of my favorite things about summer is the afternoon storms.

 

 

Deliciousness from the garden!

Gorgeous nights that have cooled off and are perfect for sitting and being quiet.

Quiet foggy mornings on the patio with tea and scones.

The delightfulness of found beauty.

 

I was able to look through some old photos of my family and found two photos of my grandparents I had not seen.  

 

I adore this one of my Memaw (she's the one being silly!) it just shows where I get my silly sassy from.

My Memaw and Pappy.

 

I spent some amazing time with this girl.  Being her Aunt Christy is the best thing EVER.

 

I love this face.

 

I received some of the most wonderful tangible encouragement from sweet friends. Mail is really one of my favorite things!

One of the highlights of my summer was seeing a Braves game.  I am a huge fan so it was amazing to cheer and watch my team win...and for the amazing Chipper to hit not one but two home runs.  I got to share it with favorite people.  The four of us are actually going back September 28th!  I can't wait!

 

GO BRAVES!!

 

You know...before I did this post I would have told you summer was difficult...but as I have gone back and looked at the photos and thought of those moments...I realize it was a beautiful summer full of little wonders and love.

And just this weekend a little owl told me....

Coa is adoring her Halloween costume!

Autumn is on it's way!

 

What is a favorite moment(s) from your summer?

Seeing His Love Through Creation. :: A Guest Post at Exemplify.

I am over at Exemplify today sharing about how God shows me how He loves me through creation.

The post actually is a big part of my story as it is really how God brought me back to Him after I decided to walk away and how I learned to see, feel, touch, and smell Him through creation.

A sneak peek:

I am a senses person.

To truly believe in something I need to see it, touch it, hear it, taste it, or smell it.  

When I was younger this caused some big issues in my relationship with God.  I wanted, no, I needed to see, touch, smell Him.  I needed to know He was there....

 

Finish reading at Exemplify!

 

5 Years.

Saturday August, 17, 2012 marked my 5th year of blogging anniversary/birthday.

5 years.

Wow.

 

It's been an amazing journey.

Funny how what started out as a creative outlet has turned into so much more.  

My first post was just a short welcome.....and my very first real post was a mumbling of life at the time.

A lot has happened in the last 5 years...

I became an aunt.

I lost one of the most beautiful people in my life.

I shed my secure, safe, job.

I wrote a 31 day blog series! (and I am doing it again... I must be crazy!)

I wrote a post for (in) courage and it's still a favorite.

I shared my story.  It was freeing.

I opened Delighted Designs and had my very first client!

I shared lots of favorite things and things I ♥!

I've gotten creative with my many quotables.

I have had years of journey and the confirmation He gave me...twice.  A year of hope and one of freedom and the reflections of spending a year focusing on it. And now a year of Dare!

I shared my favorite posts from 2009 and 2010 ...and wrote of a decade of life gone by.

 

I have changed. So very much.

Became confident.  Let go of many things.

Shared my heart.

Laughed and cried.

Learned to grab hold of adventure and live a great story.

Even on the hard days I am so reminded of how beautiful life is.  This blog has captured my life in an unexpected way and to be able to look back and see what He has done...has been a gift I never expected.

 

And then there is YOU.  One of the most amazing aspects of this journey with CJB has been meeting some of the most beautiful people I know.  You.  The ones who come here and encourage me...the ones who email me with their story or comment on my FB page...the ones who make me laugh on twitter.  

Some of my dearest friends came out of this blogging thing.  :)

You are a gift that came through this little ole blog and I could not be more grateful.

Thank you.  For reading my words and encouraging my heart... and for walking along side me.

You make my life richer by being in it.

I never would have guessed that August day in 2007 that this internet home would become so much more than I could dream.

I so look forward to journeying together in the coming years.  :)

 

Much love,

 

Things You Might Not Know...

I guess today is sort of a random brain dump of useless information about me... I called it things you might not know... but also thought of calling it the randomness from CJ's head....

So here you are...more random information than you will ever need about me...

❥ I am a HUGE Atlanta Braves fan. 

❥ It is my mission to get LOL replaced with ILH (Insert Laughter Here).  Why?  I just can't stand LOL.

❥ I am an Olympics junkie and cannot wait for Friday night!

❥ Hearing my niece say I hold you is my most favorite thing to hear.

❥ I have watched You've Got Mail three times in the last five days.  I want to be Kathleen Kelly....that's not odd...right?

❥ Watching You've Got Mail reminded me of how much 90's movies (and music if we are honest!) are still some of my favorites.  

❥ I prefer twitter over facebook.

❥ I set my alarm on the sevens.

❥ I've written over 150 cover letters in the last 6 months.  You would have thought someone would have said yes by now...

❥ I have always wanted to be a writer and didn't realize how much of a creative I was until 2 years ago.

❥ I plan my future European adventures in my head....almost on a daily basis.

❥ I have an idea for a book with a prologue and one chapter written... yet I am too scared to write it.

❥ Some days I am okay being single... some days it just sucks.

❥ I obsessive organize all the files on my computer... it's sort of ridiculous really.

❥ I really struggle with knowing what I want to do next in life.  When I list my passions (which range from books to flowers to being an advocate for trafficking victims) I sometimes wonder how it all fits.

❥ I prefer texting and emails to phone calls.  

❥ I dream of having a girls night on the town with my favorite friends wearing rockin dresses and fabulous shows.

❥  I get obsessed with certain colors and use them constantly for a while.  (I bet you could guess what colors I am currently obsessed with....)

❥ I am very much an introvert but you probably could not tell from meeting me online.  haha!

❥ I am a very different person from who I was...even from a year ago... I like the changes.  I feel much more like...me.

❥  When things are rough I usually marathon my favorite shows or read a favorite book...and usually consume too much chocolate.

❥ Story of my life....

 

Your turn!  Share some things I might not know about YOU in the comments!

 

Terrified Excitement and Prayer.

First, I just want to say thank you so much for your kind words through comments and emails last week as I shared my story.   You encouraged my heart so and made me feel loved.  <3

So now you know I am choosing hope.

In many ways that means choosing to trust Him.  No matter what.

It's been hard because of many things but mostly because of not being able to find a job.

I have been looking for a part time job to help me out until I can find a full time job.

I have applied to most every where local to no avail.

At the same time I have put a great deal of work into applying for jobs as a residence director at a college.  College students are some of my favorite people and I feel like I could really do well in the position.

Alas... most of the doors are shutting there.

At times it's hard, this not knowing what I want to do...what is that next step.

Last weekend we had a small family get together with some family...and a chance to catch up and say goodbye to my cousin Jenn and her husband Chris.  (They left for Africa again yesterday on a trip with their non-profit Retouch.  You should definitely check out their awesome ministry!)  

While we chatted they mentioned teaching English in Asia.

My Aunt Kim was like you should do it.

I thought for a few moments and the conversation moved on.

I spent a great deal of last week thinking about it and praying about it.

Doing some research I found that South Korea is one of the best places to teach for a year (or more).  The research fascinated me and I found myself reading all I could about Korea.  

I decided to take a step of faith.

I applied to a recruiter to teach English in South Korea.

Here is what I think....

A step of faith is just that, a step.  It's saying you know what.... I am going to take a risk and see what happens.

So you take that step.... and you seek His Face.

I have no idea what will happen in the coming weeks and months...if I will get a job here, or in another city (I applied to jobs in several different cities!), or even another country.  

However I trust that He is going to guide my steps and open doors and close doors and I am going to see the path He has laid before me the very moment He wants me to see it.

I am terrified.

I am excited!

Ahh...terrified excitement.  It's such a fun place to be.

A place that I trust is fully HIM.

Following Him is not meant to be easy...it's messy and dirty and terrifying.  He asks for hard things.  His timing is different from mine.  

Yet at the same time knowing He is going to lead me on the adventure of a lifetime....just because I am is and He is mine...is exciting and so much more than I can imagine.

Over the next few months I would covet your prayers.  That I would continue to seek His face and that I would trust Him and know He has a plan...and that my footsteps would follow His.

And now...it's your turn.

I would adore praying for YOU.

So today... How can I pray for you?

You can leave a comment here or email me (crittyjoyblog at gmail dot com) if it's something you don't want to share in a comment.

I am going to set time aside this week to carry you to His throne and lay you at His feet and let Him love on you as only He can.

 

The Hope. :: Part 5.

Part 1.

Part 2.

Part 3.

Part 4.

Today's part of the story is what I am currently going through.   It's the end of sorts...but also a beginning.

2 weeks ago after several really rough weeks I spent the weekend quietly in some ways yet it was busy.  Through it all a song lyric came to mind often.  Hold on to hope, love.  

The more I thought about it the more I realized it was something I needed to do.

To just hold on to hope.  To choose every single day to hope.

I was not sure it would make a difference... but it has.

So. Much.

As I have processed through some thing I have realized something...

There is beautiful hope in brokenness.

I have been broken and laid bare this year.  Even experiencing the beauty of freedom... there is still brokenness.  Yet there.  In my brokenness is where I see Him the most.

That's the thing about being broken and laid bare. In all those pieces you can truly see the lies, the walls, every single hurt, all the things that and in seeing it for what it truly is... You see Him.  The One ready to start picking up those pieces and putting them back together.

Oh not the same as it was.

Because once you've been broken the pieces no longer fit together as they once did. He takes each piece walks through that brokenness with you and places it back in you.   It's different.

But then again an encounter with Him should never leave us the same.

We are made new in our brokenness.  

Once we encounter Him.... our brokenness becomes something more.

Something He can use.

And He does.

Hope in my brokenness.  

Hope has helped me accept the brokenness, the numbness, the pain, and the freedom.

Hope is what I choose.  Sometimes it is a daily choice.  A choice that some days I have to make over and over and over.

But it has been so worth it.

So if you are struggling today...

Hold on to hope, love.

 

The Freedom. :: Part 4

Part 1.

Part 2.

Part 3.

As I look back I am fascinated my my one word for each year since 2009.

Journey.

Hope.

Freedom.

Dare.

 

After the brokenness, the pain, and the numbness I began to realize there was so much more to my life than what I was living.  My journey started learning that life was indeed a journey and on that journey you needed hope.  2011 was a year of freedom and it was bigger than I could have ever imagined.  The reason I could finally focus and begin my journey toward freedom was that I had accepted the brokenness and the pain.  It was a part of me and made me who I was.  I was stronger because of it...because He was in it the midst of it.

I let go of so many things.  Lies that I had believe for so long like I was unworthy of love.  Trust is still a bit harder for me but I give it to those I am closest to.  Friends and family who invaded my heart and would not let me go.

Freedom has taken the form of steps of faith.  Of conquering fear with truth and being brave in spite of not feeling it.

I let go of baggage and a job and expectations and religion.

I found peace, joy, and a lightness to my heart I never thought I would feel.

Freedom found in Him is true freedom.

It's the freedom that you can literally feel in your heart.

I always wished for that freedom.  Now I realize I had to take the journey He had for me to get there.

It was hard.  At times I wanted to give up.  At times I wanted to just curl up in a ball and wish the world away through my tears.

I wanted Him to make it easy.

I wanted Him to just fix it.  To mend all those pieces together and let me be.

He does not work that way.  

Brokenness is meant to bring us closer to Him.  (more on this in the last post tomorrow!)

And slowly... I have seen His timing for this is perfect.  His purpose shines through and I get to experience the beauty of freedom.

The beauty I knew would come.

I just had to wait.

Freedom was my coming beauty.

Now He gives me something even more beautiful to look to...

The Pain. :: Part 3.

Part 1.

Part 2.

 

(via pinterest)

In February of 2009 I saw my counselor/mentor and we had a real talk for the first time.

Real meaning I finally let her in just a smidge.  

By the end she suggested I come visit her over Spring Break and work through some more things. (she lives in another state) 

Did I go?  I knew she would delve deeply and ask some hard things and I would have to talk.  

Talking meant feeling.

It also meant accepting my life as it was.

The thing about being numb is that you don't have to accept anything... and it had been nice not accepting the truth.

So I went to see her during Spring Break.  Along with her and another counselor I spent some time digging deep.  It was terrifying and one of hte hardest things I have done in my life.  I cried so hard and so long I physically hurt.

By the end I had beautiful words spoken over me and I had at least acknowledged some truths.

Abuse.

Lack of trust.

Co-dependency.

Accepting lies as truth.

Anger, lies, manipulation.

Realizing I had built my own world in my mind and for years had thought it was perfect.  It was...because it was not real.

 

After that spring break I took months work through what I had heard and began to slowly accept some of it.

Near the end of the year I realized I needed more help.  Weekly help in the form of a counselor.

While I had accepted some things....the pain was intense and I was unsure of what to do with it.  I knew I needed to feel it and to find a way to move forward.

I realize now I was probably depressed. 

I let myself feel and now it was time to figure out what was next.

As a counselor I was pretty picky about criteria for a counselor.  I really wanted a woman.

Unfortunately living in a small town it's not like there were a lot of choices.

I finally decided to go one time to see G.  So in early 2010 I made an appointment.

Truthfully I went into the whole thing with a bad attitude.  It was not what I wanted and I was ticked.

My first session with G lasted for over two hours.  I told my story in halting details and with a lot of tears.

At the end it was what I needed.

A gift.  God had given me a gift...it was not what I wanted but He had given me what I needed most.

I met with G weekly.... and even better not only did he listen and help me see how to move forward he also used my gifts to help me work through some things.  My creativity became even more apart of who I was.

Soon it became bi-weekly and then as needed.

The brokenness had become numbness and then pain... and now I was on my way to something more....