Critty Joy

Why, Hello There!

My goodness.  It's been a while!  For months my heart has longed for words here but I just didn't make the time.  As we come to the end of 2016 (also known as the most awful year ever.) I realized I needed this space.  Much has happened over the last few years.  Beautiful things.  Ugly things.  A whole lot of messy.  A whole lot of glorious hope.

In the end I needed to start putting my words out there again.  So with a brand new look Critty Joy is ready to step into 2017!  Did you know I started writing this blog in 2007?  So 2017 will mark my 10th year.  What better time to re-enter one of my favorite hobbies and enjoy all that it has to offer!

I will be participating in a few things to help me to keep coming to this space and to also share parts of me here...the fun stuff and the messy stuff on the days when I don't feel like writing.

I am going to participate in Modern Mrs. Darcy's reading challenge!

I also want to participate in Leigh Kramer's What I'm Into link up.

It's also time for me to chose my OneWord365 word for 2017.  I've been pondering on it but don't have a solid one yet.

I am going to look into some other things to participate in around bloggy land.  So if you know any good ones please let me know!

There will also be stories about my life... some fun such as my marriage and being a fur mom...and the not so fun stuff as I have decided to document about my struggle with anxiety and depression.  

And lastly... I am feeling the creative bug again so I will be creating wallpapers and other digital art fun here!  I am so excited to start creating...as you can tell I had fun with my new blog look.  :)

 

How are you my friends?  I have missed you so!  

<3

He Just Wants Us.

So I established the fact that I am not good at waiting earlier this week.

Yep.

Still so very true this early Friday morning.

It's been a hard week.

I have done my go to things... journaling, writing out scripture, getting creative on paper and the computer.... and Thursday I just decided to forget it all and be miserable.

Some days just require it.

I am working on being okay with being whatever I am the day I am.

Honestly most days...I am okay.  I am good.  I am happy.

There are some days however that are terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days. (I call those Alexander days after the book.)

I don't think it's a coincidence that on those bad days... I feel hopeless and very alone... and the negative thoughts overwhelm.  

One thing I have learned this year....

I have a dramatic streak y'all.

Also...on those very bad days I organize.  Yesterday it was my journaling supplies, playlists, and pinterest boards.

As I organized my pinterest board...I ran across a CS Lewis quote I pinned a few weeks ago...one that I had not seen before.

I read it over and over.

God doesn't want something from us.  He just wants us.  - C.S. Lewis

Lately I have felt like I was being punished.

For what I don't know.

It was an easy way to beat myself up.

Saying I made bad decisions or I was a bad daughter, sister, aunt, friend...and Christ follower.  Telling myself I didn't deserve things...good things.

This had lead to more verbal beating up than usual.

But as I read that tonight...and thought of the verses I wrote late into the night before it was easy to see the truth of that statement...He just wants us.

Sometimes it's the simple truth that captures the heart so thoroughly.  Nothing I do is going to make Him want me.  He already wants me.  There is nothing I can do to earn His love...He just loves.  He is love.

So in the wee hours of this morning I found a photo that suited my mood and added the Lewis quote and made it my wallpaper.

A visual reminder of a simple truth.

It didn't make my bad day go away...or even better... but it calmed my heart enough I could start combating the lies and remember...

I am loved.  I am redeemed.  I am worthy.

I am His.

So if you are having a bad day today Lovelies.... I hope a simple truth lights it way into your heart and you know... You are loved and you are His.

 

As always feel free to grab the image if you want to use it as a desktop wallpaper.  Click on it to go to the larger version and then just save it to your computer!

 

The Back and Forth.

Last week I listed my struggles in my journal.

Every single one I could think of I wrote it down.

It's a bit hard to see a list of things that seem impossible to overcome.

Yet...I needed to write them down...and then lay them down.

I am terrible at laying things down before Him.  

My struggles usually are head vs. heart...or the hope and despair kind.

My head and heart struggles are no a given day... my worth, my weight, negative thoughts, fear, trust....

The hope and despair are often of the waiting in so many areas,  being alone vs loneliness, fear, trust....

Some days as I prepare for bed I wonder why I am so exhausted and realize at times it is because of fighting so hard.

This year, my year of dare, is also about daring to trust Him in all things.

While I am working on it I still try most days to do it in my own strength.

Never has that been more apparent that this last week as I try to wait patiently to see if I got this job I want so badly.

Morning time would be praying and giving it over to Him....

by 2 p.m. I would have take the problem back and wrestle between hope that I would get it but telling myself all the positive things about the interview and my skills...and the despair in telling myself I had to be kidding there was no way I would get it...by tearing myself down and assuming the worst.

Then later in the quiet I would lay it back down at His feet....

The back and forth.

It's exhausting.

And I must decide to fully trust or continue to be exhausted and weary.

I feel such peace when I lay things down before Him... yet I like control and want to control (okay I want the illusion of control) in my life.

It's funny how one little revelation snowballs until you see before you that most of your struggles originate from one place...

and that that thing you thought you had a come a long way in...that trust thing... is still a big work in progress.

As for the waiting thing... my friend, Amanda, tweeted this verse and it's my Word to cling to this week.

Yes.  This waiting is hard. And maybe I need a perspective shift as to what I am waiting on and for.  Something I will be thinking about and praying on this week.

And my list of struggles....I will see them in my journal often and remember that I am laying them down because I trust Him.  Because He knows me better than even I know myself.

I am going to work on that being enough.

 

What Word are you clinging too this week?

 

P.S.  Thank you SO much for your kind words on my new endeavor, Delighted Designs.  Also if you are interested in guesting during my series on prayer please email me!  I would adore you visiting my internet home with your words.  <3