The Lion that is Doubt.

Last year I took a step of faith and quit my job.

While I was going through with my notice I was excited and so certain this was the right move.

Then 2012 came and I have a very part time job.... and over the last few months have put in more than 75 job applications.

No phone calls.  No interest.

Money is very tight.

I am still trying to figure out what I am suppose to do.  What I want to do.  What do I dream of?  What is my passion?  What am I meant to do?

It's weird to be 33 and have no clue what you want to do with your life.

As the months have progressed I began doubting myself.  Questions have plagued me.  Frustration and confusion have overwhelmed me at times.

Did I hear Him right?  Did I take the right step of faith?

My shouted yearnings became just regular words and then whispers as doubts assailed.

I have also doubted Him.  I have felt so very lost.

I have spent weeks trying to figure things out.

Lost is not something I do well. 

When doubts overcome... lost is where I find myself.

As we prepare to start reading Beautiful Outlaw...and as I have been challenged by the book In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day.... I am being reminded He always comes through.  At times it may be right in the nick of time... way past when I think it should be.  

I am reminded He does understand my confusion and frustration and hurt.  

I am reminded even when I feel lost there is direction and it points toward Him.

I am reminded He loves me.  Deeply.  

I am reminded even with how very hard things are....I love Him.

I am reminded He is the God of impossible.  He can do immeasurably more than I am even able to think of.

That there is a purpose in all of this.  When those doubts come and are overwhelming I keep telling myself... there is a purpose.  There is a a plan.

And it is going to rock my socks off when He reveals it to me.

I just have to remember the doubts are not as big as He is.

I cling to two verses above right now.  

On the days hope is severely lacking I think of those two verses and I know His version of my story is even bigger and better than I imagine.  For a while those doubts fade.  

In the end I must also remember to chase my lions... to dare to live this adventure of a life.  My doubts?  They are one of my lions and I am going to chase them...and with His help...defeat them.

So if you are overcome with doubts today... know you are not alone... I understand and so does He.  Yes doubt is big...but He is bigger...and so are we.

Joining in with the SDG sisterhood at Jen's place.

If you would like to read Beautiful Outlaw with Kristen and me don't forget to sign up!  We are so excited to get started next week!

I am also having a giveaway until Friday so just leave a comment on this post to enter!