My Prayer Confession....

So.

I shared with you early in this series how I thought prayer was hard and such a holy thing...and truthfully that I was NOT very good at it.

Part of that came about after I realized some things about my own prayer life.

Yes.  It was seriously lacking and it was very rote.  I did it because I was suppose too.

That's one of my many confessions about prayer.

I prayed at meal time because I was suppose to.

I prayed at bed time because I was suppose to.

I did the whole oh I am praying for you but never really prayed...often.

I often thought of praying for a situation but never did.

Sometimes I wondered if others slacked on prayer as much as I did.  I knew some people who were devoted to praying at times wondered how they did it.  I often beat myself up over it.

One of my goals over the last two years has been to stop pretending.

To just be me.

So earlier this year I knew I needed to stop pretending and just be me with the prayer thing.

So for a while I stopped praying.

Yes.  It was extreme but I needed to know what is was, what I needed it to be.

I also needed to stop being so trite with it.

I began to dig into the word.  I read notes from my Papaw.  I read some books.  

I realized I had put a great deal of pressure on myself to do the prayer thing and in the end...I was way over-thinking it.

I began slowly by turing off the radio in my car and just talking to God.

I talked to Him as if He was in the car with me.  

I must admit I felt odd but at the same time at the end of my job...I felt good.  I felt like I had had a great conversation with a friend who I trusted.

Soon I was just talking with God as I would a good friend.  Telling Him my feelings, my thoughts, my struggles, my pain.... I laid it out there.

For the first time in a long time prayer felt freeing.  

It still feels that way.

I went from stopping prayer to praying consistently each day in my own way.

Conversational prayer opened my heart and it helped me see God differently.  More intimately.  

I had to let go of my preconceived notions and embrace what I needed in prayer...and what I needed what conversations with God.  Serious.  Funny.  Lighthearted.  Deep.

It's become a beautiful thing in my life... and something I never thought would happen.

So my prayer confession is that I stopped praying.  

Tuesday and Wednesday I have two brave friends who are stepping up and sharing their prayer confessions with you too.  I hope if you struggle in this area (like so many of us!) that you will be encouraged and know you are not alone with struggling with prayer.

Comments

[Joanne Sher]

Christy - you were IN MY BRAIN. 100% (in the confession part). Rote, required. That's me. Still working on getting out of it. Need to start talking to Him. THANK you.