So.
I shared with you early in this series how I thought prayer was hard and such a holy thing...and truthfully that I was NOT very good at it.
Part of that came about after I realized some things about my own prayer life.
Yes. It was seriously lacking and it was very rote. I did it because I was suppose too.
That's one of my many confessions about prayer.
I prayed at meal time because I was suppose to.
I prayed at bed time because I was suppose to.
I did the whole oh I am praying for you but never really prayed...often.
I often thought of praying for a situation but never did.
Sometimes I wondered if others slacked on prayer as much as I did. I knew some people who were devoted to praying at times wondered how they did it. I often beat myself up over it.
One of my goals over the last two years has been to stop pretending.
To just be me.
So earlier this year I knew I needed to stop pretending and just be me with the prayer thing.
So for a while I stopped praying.
Yes. It was extreme but I needed to know what is was, what I needed it to be.
I also needed to stop being so trite with it.
I began to dig into the word. I read notes from my Papaw. I read some books.
I realized I had put a great deal of pressure on myself to do the prayer thing and in the end...I was way over-thinking it.
I began slowly by turing off the radio in my car and just talking to God.
I talked to Him as if He was in the car with me.
I must admit I felt odd but at the same time at the end of my job...I felt good. I felt like I had had a great conversation with a friend who I trusted.
Soon I was just talking with God as I would a good friend. Telling Him my feelings, my thoughts, my struggles, my pain.... I laid it out there.
For the first time in a long time prayer felt freeing.
It still feels that way.
I went from stopping prayer to praying consistently each day in my own way.
Conversational prayer opened my heart and it helped me see God differently. More intimately.
I had to let go of my preconceived notions and embrace what I needed in prayer...and what I needed what conversations with God. Serious. Funny. Lighthearted. Deep.
It's become a beautiful thing in my life... and something I never thought would happen.
So my prayer confession is that I stopped praying.
Tuesday and Wednesday I have two brave friends who are stepping up and sharing their prayer confessions with you too. I hope if you struggle in this area (like so many of us!) that you will be encouraged and know you are not alone with struggling with prayer.
Christy - you were IN MY BRAIN. 100% (in the confession part). Rote, required. That's me. Still working on getting out of it. Need to start talking to Him. THANK you.
Posted by: Joanne Sher | Monday, October 15, 2012 at 09:12 AM