The Back and Forth.

Last week I listed my struggles in my journal.

Every single one I could think of I wrote it down.

It's a bit hard to see a list of things that seem impossible to overcome.

Yet...I needed to write them down...and then lay them down.

I am terrible at laying things down before Him.  

My struggles usually are head vs. heart...or the hope and despair kind.

My head and heart struggles are no a given day... my worth, my weight, negative thoughts, fear, trust....

The hope and despair are often of the waiting in so many areas,  being alone vs loneliness, fear, trust....

Some days as I prepare for bed I wonder why I am so exhausted and realize at times it is because of fighting so hard.

This year, my year of dare, is also about daring to trust Him in all things.

While I am working on it I still try most days to do it in my own strength.

Never has that been more apparent that this last week as I try to wait patiently to see if I got this job I want so badly.

Morning time would be praying and giving it over to Him....

by 2 p.m. I would have take the problem back and wrestle between hope that I would get it but telling myself all the positive things about the interview and my skills...and the despair in telling myself I had to be kidding there was no way I would get it...by tearing myself down and assuming the worst.

Then later in the quiet I would lay it back down at His feet....

The back and forth.

It's exhausting.

And I must decide to fully trust or continue to be exhausted and weary.

I feel such peace when I lay things down before Him... yet I like control and want to control (okay I want the illusion of control) in my life.

It's funny how one little revelation snowballs until you see before you that most of your struggles originate from one place...

and that that thing you thought you had a come a long way in...that trust thing... is still a big work in progress.

As for the waiting thing... my friend, Amanda, tweeted this verse and it's my Word to cling to this week.

Yes.  This waiting is hard. And maybe I need a perspective shift as to what I am waiting on and for.  Something I will be thinking about and praying on this week.

And my list of struggles....I will see them in my journal often and remember that I am laying them down because I trust Him.  Because He knows me better than even I know myself.

I am going to work on that being enough.

 

What Word are you clinging too this week?

 

P.S.  Thank you SO much for your kind words on my new endeavor, Delighted Designs.  Also if you are interested in guesting during my series on prayer please email me!  I would adore you visiting my internet home with your words.  <3

Comments

[Kimby]

Christy, sometimes it's easier said than done, isn't it? But the Holy Spirit isn't called The Helper for nothin'! Will be praying for your spirit to be bolstered.

I like writing things down, too -- helps to see them in black & white, even if the list seems long or daunting at first. Look for the Truth in each statement and cross off the ones that are "fiery darts/flaming arrows!" (Eph 6:16) xo

[Glenda Childers]

Christy, I am much older than you and have walked with God a long time ... and still I find it hard at times to let go and then WAIT. I applaud your desire. It is okay to not get it right all of the time. God loves us anyway and understands.

Praying you get the job.

[Amanda]

I've found it really an important practice for me to write out my specific concerns that I'm bringing to God. I tend to feel overwhelmed and in a constant state of "things happening all the time" and so I frequently feel like nothing is happening. But when I've written them down? I can look back a week later and try and find specific things that may have changed. I need that!

Also? Love you :)

[Janice C. Johnson]

I think you nailed it with your words about "waiting." Yes, it's hard, and I often find myself waiting for the wrong thing... looking down the wrong track for my train, as it were.
Blessings!
Jan (from SDG)

[Amy Sullivan]

Good for you for listening to the struggles you write in your journal...too often I write them and go on. The back and forth is not always an easy place to be.

[Jen]

I'm behind! I just saw the Delighted Designs and I AM SO EXCITED for you. I guess this means I'm gonna have to start paying! :)

On another note, can i just tell you, right in this moment, I am in the back and forth. So hard. So hard. Lifting up prayers for you right now, sweet friend.

[Seashore]

I really like your idea of writing down your concerns and then giving them to the Lord.
Thanks

Also I would love to write something for your prayer series if you are still looking?

[Kristen]

I've read this a few times now & every time something new stands out to me. I so get this, I've done this same cycle in the last two weeks.

Psalm 27:14 is an anthem for me. <3

[Sharita Knobloch]

Excellent words, Christy... I think we are cut from the same clothe, my friend... I too write down and pray through my worries/fears/concerns. I feel better for a while then poof, they show back up. Setting them down and LEAVING them down is a practice that is going to take... well, practice. SIGH.

Funny that I keep picking them back up because they are so stinking heavy. Oh, and thanks for sharing this verse-- it's one of my favs. As far as the word that I am clinging to this week:
"When I get really afraid, I come to you in trust." ~Psalm 56:3 (MSG)

So excited to have you as part of our SDG small group. :-) Be blessed and welcome!