Falling In Love.

I had a friend reading a book.  She kept telling me to get it.

Then one of my dearest friends started reading it and she raved about it.

The book?  Beautiful Outlaw.

I finally ordered it and it came last Tuesday and I read one chapter.

I wept through the chapter as I saw a side of my Jesus I had never thought of.  Never really wanted to think of.  

Life got in the way after that one chapter and today in order to calm my nerves I picked the book back up.

The second chapter made me realize I put Jesus in a box.

A box I think a lot of people put Him in.

I mean He is Jesus.  A part of the triune God.

I had only seen the parts I hear from the Church and others.  A two dimensional Jesus.  Compassionate and Loving.  But truthfully I have always known there is more.  I just did not want to get to know the more.

I am realizing though that I never thought of Jesus as a man.

John Eldredge says this:

"What about his great acts of playfulness, or cunning?  What about his brilliance, his wit, his irreverence, the scandalous freedom with which Jesus lives, his exasperation and impatience?  Not to mention his humanity we have nearly forgotten he was man." page 16, Beautiful Outlaw.

In letting go of my old thoughts and getting to know Him anew I am seeing a man to fall in love with.  

Playful.  Funny.  Sarcastic at times.  Cunning.  Loyal.  Brilliant.  Witty.  

I understand him in his exasperation and impatience.

I think I have always kept the religiousness as a separator.

To keep me from fully falling in love with Him.  

In many ways thinking it would not hurt as much if he did not love me back.  My head knowing the truth already....nothing I do can separate me from him.  He is love.  He loves me.  Just as I am.

My heart so far behind still beating myself up for my past, present, and future indiscretions.

Fear has kept me from fully experiencing Jesus.

John Eldredge goes on to point out that the very thing that makes us love our family and friends, their personality, is something we don't take time to get to know in our Jesus.

When I am reading the Word...I am not thinking of His personality...looking to see what He was like.  I am reading for knowledge or to learn....what?  I am not even sure of any more.  I just did things by rote.  Because it is what I am suppose too.  The good little Christian girl.

I am learning there is more to me.  More to him.  And the mold of good little Christian girl does not fit anymore.

As I read Beautiful Outlaw...I am going to go back and re-read the books that introduced Him to me so long ago.  Matthew. Mark. Luke. John.  I am going to look, really look, deeper and get to know Jesus as he was and is.  His personality quirks.  What made him sad.  What made him laugh.  Who his friends were and why he loved them.  

My heart wants more and is going to get more.

It is going to get Jesus.  Full on no holds barred...JESUS.

I can't wait to fall in love.

Joining with the SDG sisters today at Finding Heaven.