The Distant Dad.

(The following post is long.  I thought about splitting into two parts but decided to just leave it as one long post)

This is truthfully not a post I thought I would write.  I have often shared small parts of my story but this part?  It's one of the hardest parts of my story.  It started a few weeks ago with a movie preview and God has been working in my heart since to share it here.  My hope is that it encourages someone and let's them know they are not alone.

Many of you do not know that I have a rather distant relationship with my Dad.  It is not something I share or talk about often.  I am okay with where our relationship is...but it has taken a while for me to be okay with that.

The idea to share my story came a few weeks ago after watching a late night movie with one of my dearest friends.  One of the movie previews was for the new Christian movie, Corageous.  The movie is basically about fathers taking up the challenge the be better fathers.  Watching the preview I was overwhelmed and pain hit swiftly.

That's the thing about pain.... the hurt of some of our life wounds never truly goes away.

For the first 15 years of my life while my Dad and I were not close I had a darling Papaw who in some ways took the place of a dad.  My dad was a truck driver and was often gone. My Papaw took me to many events and stood in as my father more than once.  When my Pappy passed away the pain lingered (and truthfully still does) but I just ignored that anything was wrong or different.

There is also the fact that I am very different from my family.  I am an introvert in a family full of extroverts.  I am a inside, bookish, nerdy girl.  My family enjoys being outside, camping, and car shows just to name a few things.  

I never realized how broken my relationship was with my Dad.  I just assumed it was our differences that made us well... not close.

It's funny how you assume things are normal for so long that you just continue to believe that even though there are signs.

There is also the fact that I was a Christian and he is not.

When I started college the second time I realized how my relationship with my Dad was very different.  

In February of 2005 in one moment it became clear that he was not nor was he ever the person I thought he was.

I changed so much in those moments.  I became a very angry and unforgiving person.  I held offenses and threw verbal barbs at him.

Yes, my Dad made some horrible choices.  I also know now he is who he is.

No matter what I want I have to accept him as the person he is...not the person I think he should be.

Since 2005 God has worked BIG things out in my heart.  He has removed my anger.  He has shown me forgiveness is truly more about you than the other person.  I am such a different person from those moments until now.

That does not mean I don't wish things were different.  My Dad has no idea about what is going on in my life.  Our conversations are surface level at best and I don't talk with him often.

I have learned that I can be okay with this because I have a Heavenly Father who loves me.  Who I can talk too and who knows me the very best.  

Accepting my relationship for what it is with my dad took a long time.  And even in that acceptance it still hurts at times.  

I also know now.... it's okay to feel that hurt.  It's okay to wish it was more.  It's okay to expect and want more out of the relationship.  I want the conversations and the other things that come along with a good relationship.

I know he loves me.  He shows me in his own way...through his checking to make sure my car is running well or reminding me to wash it.  

God used my relationship with my Dad to show me how to accept the people in my life as they are.  

Here is what I do know... Love is to be freely given.  It's not meant to be earned.  I can't with-hold it because I think the person should be different.  I also know giving love freely hurts.  God did not gurantee us a life of no pain.  Jesus was the most wonderful proof of love and in the end... He died for love.

I love my Dad.  Yes.  My relationship with him is distant.  There are many reasons for that but when given the opportunity I love him.  I show him with my words and actions.  At times it is hard.  At times I want to give up.  However, I will not.  Love is too important. 

Yes, some days hurt.  That's life.  

And I want to embrace my life as fully as possible...so embracing the pain and the beauty is important...so I can embrace love.

Know if you have a distant parent in your life...you are not alone and God cares.  Also know others understand.  <3

Comments

[Ginger]

Wow! So personal. So real. So true to the heart of many. I love your heart of forgiveness. That's where your freedom lies. Thank you so much for your testimony of what it means to accept one another without embracing wrong and lead others to Him by example.

[Abby]

I am so thankful you shared. I am sure it was free~ing for you, but also, it opens up things in others' hearts, including my own. Things were stirred in my own heart for my Dad. He loves the Lord very much and prays for me, but without my mom here and my stepmom not having the connection like a mom, his distance is enormous in the ways I want him to love me and I just accept it, but I haven't acknowledged it at a place where I can be healed...thank you friend!!!

[Kristen]

Two things:

1. Your obedience in sharing this with your readers will not go unrewarded. I know it wasn't easy but you trust His plans for this sharing & that is a beautiful thing. <3

2. He - our God - delights to call you His. Daughter. What joy you bring His heart.

<3 <3 <3

[Roberta]

This hit home for me too, but I have been a distant mother at times in my life. There have been times when I was soo very appalled at my behavior and the choices I made that I thought better to not be alive than endure the pain and regret. I have reaped what I had sown. My Father in heaven has lovingly taken me by the hand and plucked my feet out of the miry clay. I have been redeemed by the Blood of the Lamb. I am thankful that I have had to walk that path as it has given me a heart of compassion for those that hurt. I am sorry for your loss in relationship but I will pray that your earthly father experience the Love of God in his life one day..

[Laurie]

Beautiful. I'm sorry that you have a different relationship than most with their dads. I'm glad that you aren't giving up although sometimes you want to. Your story will touch someone and realize they aren't the only ones out there. Love ya!

[Tiffini]

me too Christy..me too.
thank you for sharing this with us..me
Your example encourages me and helped me
see my daughter's relationship with her dad
in a little different way..now I can maybe share a
thing or two with her and help her.
xo

[Amy @ Filled With Praise]

This is so open, honest and beautiful. I love that you are allowing God to use you by sharing this. I know it will be read by just the person He is using you to help today.
Love you, friend!
Blessings,
Amy

[Joanne Sher]

I love how open you are with your feelings, and even more, with the PROCESS. This, my dear, will minister to many. It has to me. Love ya.

[Tara @ Creole Paperie]

This is so beautiful Christy. I am truly, truly sorry for the chasm & the hurt you've endured, but it's so beautiful to me that you've been able to grasp hold of your heavenly Father's love and in turn use that to help heal your wounds with your earthly father. I'm so glad you shared this. You're a very awesome lady.

[Erin]

So beautifully shared and written, Christy. Yes, this is a difficult and sad place to be. I love how God has lovingly walked you through this and revealed all these truths to you. Thank you for sharing such a personal struggle...makes me adore you even more :)