Crashing Waves...

 

I was not going to write today.  A lot of it has to do with an extremely rough week, not feeling well, and those grief waves I mentioned last week.  I just did not want to write a down post...I wanted something upbeat...fun...but I am so not there.

Thankfully the grief waves have started slowly just lapping at the shores of my heart instead of crashing into it constantly.

To be honest it all started almost two weeks ago when I was babysitting my niece.  She has some PraiseBaby dvd's that she adores.  She can sit and watch them for a long time.

One of the songs on the dvd is Blessed Be Your Name.  As I watched her try to sing along and shimmy and shake and dance the part that is always hard for me to hear came on.

He gives and takes away.

Still I will choose to say...Blessed be the name of the Lord.

As I sat there and watched that sweet baby dance and move to those lyrics I was over come with bittersweetness.  The song describes my June of last year... my life that was 2010.

The verse the song is based on even graced our family Christmas card.

Tears gathered and I was lost for a few minutes in joy and sorrow.  Joy in watching the gift He gave us last year grow and learn and become such a neat little person.  And the sorrow of missing my Memaw and knowing how much she would love our little miss Toccoa.

The sorrow continued to batter my heart that day.

As the day progressed I was okay and put the bittersweetness away in a small place of my heart.

On Saturday I was enjoying a lazy morning and was blindsided by a commercial. Those kids calling their Grandma or Grandpa their best friend...I lost it.  Over a commercial.  The grief waves again battering my heart in what felt like 100 foot swells.

If nothing else I have learned grief is a funny thing.  One minute it can be gently lapping at the shores of your heart... calm and peaceful and you live....then in an instant it can feel as if 100 foot swells are battering against the very core of your heart drowning you in sorrow and pain.

The beauty of this wave thing is that at some point the waves will slow down....and become gentle again.

And over time the bigger waves fade and more often than not calm seas reign.

For now I am thankful for the calm waves...a time for my battered heart to rest and for other waves to crash into my heart.

Waves that remind me of beauty.

Waves of joy.

Waves of peace.

Waves of quiet.

Waves of love.

 

For more Soli Deo Gloria Sisterhood visit Jen at Finding Heaven.

 

What kind of waves have been crashing into your heart lately?

Comments

[Glenda Childers]

I lost my mom 6 years ago. My daughter is at Moody Church this morning and just texted me that Fernando Ortega just sang the song we had at my mom's funeral - "Just Give Me Jesus." Grief came like a flash. But today is was short lived. You are on a journey and it takes time and it is a good journey. I am praying for you, Christy.

Fondly,
Glenda

[Pamela]

My grandma died over 30 years ago. The thing I missed most was her prayers. No matter what I was stuggling about she would pray.

I couldn't have said it better...it IS waves. When my daughter died I read "Lord of my rocking boat." It was the waves that rocked my boat.

I prayed God will bless your grieving heart.

[Bobbi]

I know I'm a day late...but oh, SIGH...Christy...I forget how well you write...I wish a cyber hug was a good as a real hug...but it'll have to do...))HUG((

[Joanne Sher]

Sending cyber-hugs, sweetie. Hold on to Jesus - your life preserver.

[Amy Sullivan]

Grief is so difficult...even now, years later I grieve over things I feel I should be "over". You are totally right though, grief does come in waves. Just when you think you might drown, the water recedes.

Thanks for sharing your heart.

[michelle]

I can't imagine what you're going through. Though, it's something I'm fearful of as I'm close to my own grandmother. I'm praying for you that God will send you strength and courage to get through these times. To reflect on what He has given you and to remember with love those things that He has taken.

[Abby]

Christy...you describe grief so well and true...it is these waves and what do we do...i am with you...going on 9 years since my mama and the waves still come...i love your heart and vulnerability and this is the post you needed to share today for so many reasons...

my guest post for (in)courage this Saturday, 'A Tree of Life Out of a Root of Grief' talks about this journey for me...i hope it will bless if you might be able to read...

thank you again for your honesty and real-ness...

[Lauren]

I can relate so well... and I will be praying for you and your broken heart. You described grief perfectly - waves crashing over your heart.

Sending many prayers and hugs your way...

[Katharine]

If only we could predict when those waves were coming, but then I suppose we would miss getting to know the God who is in control of it all... Praying for you, I know how rough those waves can be.

[Jen]

I can relate, sister.

My grandmother was the person who loved me with unconditional love and I grieve that fact that she is not there to love me in that way anymore. And I'm trying to figure out how my parents don't seem to be able to love unconditionally. And then I'm also bombarded by all the ways that maybe I'm not loving my children unconditionally and to how to change my behavior so that they know I do.

Rough stuff, but at least I know God is in charge of the waves, too.

[Rachel]

Grief most definitely comes in waves. Prayers for you, dear sister.

[Tiffini]

I pray today that He will share His secret with you today...just for you. That you will know His covenant and that your eyes be continually on Him...drawing near to His love...allowing Him to hold you and speak words of grace in your ear...
the waves will soon be calm again..
xo:)

[Kimby]

"Grief waves" is one of the best definitions of loss I've ever heard. Grieving doesn't fit into "steps," or however the world tries to define it. I hope you can feel the many, many hugs surrounding you today.

Mostly I have waves of gratitude washing over me. But when something reminds me of my little brother who was taken from this world four years ago, the waves get rough. Then I turn to the One who said, "Peace, be still." He's the Master of the waves and He always calms my heart.

[andrea]

This is beautiful. Praying for you and your wave-battered heart.

[Erin]

Wish I could give you a big, huge hug, friend. I'm sorry your heart is hurting so badly right now. I'm praying that you feel what you need to feel, process, and then that the waves would go back out to the sea.

Some of those commercials really get me. The Hallmark ones, the coffee ones around Christmas. And I can't even begin to imagine how adorable your sweet niece must look watching her little video. :)

Praying for you..