Welcome to our first Journey With.... feature! I love hearing about other's journeys and want to feature other's as they journey. We can learn so much and encourage one another in our stories.
(A special thank you to Ruth for being the first to take part of this special feature! After some debating I am going to start calling this feature Journey With.... I have changed things from Pilgrims to Journey With. I just wanted to better express what this was about...and I felt journey with seemed to better express it as you will be journeying with each person as they share part of their story here. If you would like to be featured just fill out this form!)
No Longer Afraid to Be Me
I grew up in a nice Christian home where all my needs were met. I was always the kid that my parents never had to worry about. I was the girl who always went to church, did what my parents said, got A's in all my classes, and the list goes on. My older brother was the rebel, and I was Miss Goody Two Shoes. In fact, I remember the neighbors teasing me about being "holy."
In high school, I never had a date. I had very high standards for my relationships, and only the scum of the earth ever showed any interest. And you can imagine my response to them! I think I often came across as being rather aloof and possibly even stuck up. In actuality, I just didn't know who I was, and I was afraid to go through the self-discovery process. Better still, I don't even think I knew how to do that.
I completely broke away from my comfortable life when I went off to college. I left Washington state for Florida. I continued to be the quiet, somewhat shy girl. I was the overlooked one, and I still had very few friends. I always followed the rules, never questioned them, and I did what was expected at all times. I even decided that God had called me to be single, and I gave myself over to that.
Well, I was blown away when a young man came into my life. I really believed he was the one for me. We fell in love and got married. And we were married for 10 years. I worked very hard at my marriage--many lessons were learned, and God did a lot. I never doubted that he was the one for whom I was destined.
My problem was that I was only 19 when I got married, and this guy was 10 years older than I. I didn't know who I truly was. I didn't understand that I needed to come out of my shell. Instead, we had a parent-child relationship where he controlled me and I submitted to him. I didn't have a good model when I was growing up of what a good marriage should be. I thought my husband and I had a happy marriage. I basically lost myself in him, but I thought that was my role.
In my mid-20's, I began to discover who I was. I was tired of being told what to do and how to do it. I began to stand up for who I was and quit apologizing for the young woman God had made me. My husband didn't like it at all. He kept trying to control me, and he did the normal control freak thing--he made things extremely uncomfortable for me. He had never really yelled at me--now that was commonplace. I never dreamed of doing something of which he didn't approve. Now I did it regularly. And he began to withdraw. And then I truly began to see my husband for who he was. He became withdrawn, depressed, and I knew that for my daughter's safety (and mine), we had to get out. It went against everything I had ever done in my life. But I knew who I was in the Lord. I was a beautiful woman whom God had blessed with amazing talents that He wanted me to use for Him. I was not a meek little girl with no mind of my own. God could speak to me just like He could speak to anyone who served Him with all his/her heart.
It was the hardest thing I ever did in my life, but years later, God is still at work in my life. And I know He shall continue to do so. And my precious daughter knows even at her tender age that God has special plans for her life and that it is okay to be the girl (and ultimately woman) God made her to be!
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You can visit Ruth at My Devotional Thoughts.
(Comments here are closed so that you will take a moment and go visit Ruth at her blog. Please do take a moment and visit her blog and comment...it is always such a great encouragement!)
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