This Pilgrim's Heart.

I guess today is where I tell you where I am in my journey.  Since I am asking you to share your journey here (don't forget if you want to do that go here and fill out the form!)

If you had told me this time last year what my 2010 was going to look like I would have scoffed.  2010 was going to be the year.  2009 wasn't all that great and I thought 2010 just had to be better.  Yet as month after month past I became more discouraged.

To be honest part of it has been my own fault.  For the last few years I have felt uncomfortable in my own skin.  Doing things I did not honestly enjoy but doing them because well it was expected.  Stuck is definitely the word to describe me.  Not just this year but for the last several years.

I was also uncomfortable because somehow over the years I had changed.  I had become more dependent on other's opinions of me than ever before.  Since graduating college life had slowly become something I did not want.

I was letting others choose my journey.  I was letting others write my story.

I was so unsure of me.  I did not trust my own heart, my own decisions, my own mind, my own God given wisdom.  I was so afraid to step out.  Thinking if I made a mistake that the others would call me on it and I would know they were right....I should have just stayed with the old things.

Fear.  It has run rampant in my heart.  For years.

This year I gave myself permission to do something I had not done in a long time...dream.

Oh how I dreamed.  Photography.  Another degree in English.  Becoming a florist.  Traveling the world. Working with girls and women who were trafficking victims. Those were my top dreams (besides my normal...get married and have children dream!)

Here is what I have realized.  The people that LOVE me.  Really love me have been telling me for years to go after what my heart wants.  Those voices however were very few and very far between.  I could count on one hand those voices.  Slowly over the last year He has added voices to those others.  Beautiful voices that have consistently told me.  Do what you love.  Even more...

BE what you love.

So the evolution of Critty Joy this year has been that.  Me doing what I love.  The changes I have made are me being what I love.  I love encouraging others.  It gives me strength.  I love interacting and learning about others.  I love sharing my voice here through my silly randomness and serious thoughtfulness.

I only let certain things change.  In my every day life not much changed.

Then my Memaw died.  I lost a big piece of my heart that day.  As I sat there at the funeral I kept looking at the blanket of flowers on her casket and thinking how much she would have loved them and how much I loved them.  Flowers have always been one of our things.  When she was younger she had a florist shop.  As I sat there my heart asked....if you love something so much why are you not doing anything about it?

So over the last month I have.  In July I took a photography class.  To see if I wanted to learn more.

And I looked into technical colleges that offered a floral design program.

I applied for one of the programs.  It was a big step.  A step toward what was a dream to what could be a reality.  Now I just wait to see if I get accepted and also see if I can get financial aid.

I also looked into some photography programs and will be thinking and praying for them.

Creativity inspires me.  I never realized it until recently.

When I see flowers, or I take a photo with my camera, or I create in photoshop, or I write words...or read words.  To me they are all wonderful gifts God gave to us.  To me.

I always loved God's handiwork with our world.  The sky.  The trees. The flowers. The grass. The people.  All things show that God is a creative God.  That it was and is important to Him.

That brings us to here. This is where my journey is today.  It's a place I have never been before.

It's exciting and scary.  Just like launching the new things here....it seems I am launching new things in my life.

I think that I have learned to look to my heart this year...to what inspires me.  What makes me see His face.  What brings me joy.  What makes me feel free.

Then I find a way and move toward it.

Journey.

This is just the first of many more steps.

 

Comments

[Tracy]

I am almost trembling. I did not know the changes behind the blog. Oh, this is too rich, Christy. I love it. It is so inspiring!

Why don't I do floral arranging?

I wish that you lived next door.

Go God!

[Flowers]

Your story inspires me. I'm glad you are pursuing the dreams that make you. I love even more how much creativity is being women through your life. I will be the follower to keep track of your journey:)

[Kristen Schiffman]

One of the greatest joys I've had over the last few years is getting to see your journey. I can't wait to see what He brings from this. Wild and free. Right?

[Traci]

It's nice to meet you! Found you over at (in) courage. I blog over at Ordinary Inspirations: http://www.ordinaryinspirations.blogspot.com

[Karen]

I just found you on incourage. I love your about me page. Would you like to write one for me? I understand completely about living for everyone else and not doing what you love and what God wants you to do. I am going to be your newest follower to keep track of your journey. I, too am on a journey. I look forward to learning more about you and from you. In faith, Karen

[Rachel @ Future Pastor's Wife]

Christy, I am like bouncing up and down in my seat reading this (well, as well as I can bounce with only one leg fully functioning!). I am SO FREAKIN' (there I go again) EXCITED for you and this journey. Every word of this post brought a smile to my face - I love that YOU are pursuing what YOU love! I love even more how much creativity is being woven through your life. God has been speaking to me lately about creativity as well.

NEVER stop dreaming - EVER!!! You know what? It's safe to dream with our God. Because our God can take things that the world says are impossible and make them possible. He can plant seed in a barren woman. He can raise up an Israelite boy to be 2nd in command of Egypt. He can deliver an entire nation out of captivity by a man with a speech impediment. He can make walls crumble from trumpet blasts. He can slay a giant with a child's slingshot. He can make a virgin give birth. He can turn water into wine, fish and loaves into a feast. He can redeem the entire world for all created time with one act of sacrifice. Think of what would have happened had all those people remained who the world said they should be. No, our God is GREATER and BIGGER than that, and He DELIGHTS in displaying His power and beauty and might is His people... and their dreams.

Sorry for all the caps, it's just the only way I can respond online since I can't physically come hug your neck.

Love you!!!

[Andrea]

I love that you are following your dreams and I am rooting for you the whole way!

Now if I could just get my own courage up!

[Erin @Home's Where My Heart is]

You can do it. It's all about taking that FIRST step. And then the second step. Pretty soon you're doing it and living it.

That is great you're checking out the florist class. I took one in high school and loved it. Of course, it wasn't as in depth as a college course, but nonetheless, based on your love for flowers I know you'll love the class.

Keep dreaming!!

[kara]

I love your story, the journey you are on, Christy. I know it's been a difficult, painful year for you but I hope that on the other side of it you see how incredibly transforming this year has been too, a growing into the real you kind of year. Struggles and breakthrough and heartbreak and growth and blessing and risk and hope kind of year. Your story inspires me. I'm glad you are pursuing the dreams that make you you.

[David]

Excited for you Christy. And yes, it is scary!