Critty Joy

Investing Your Heart.

Last night I attended Crosspoint's online service.  It is seriously one of my favorite things.  Last night was about Greed and Giving....

at one point Pete Wilson (the pastor) said this:

 

 

What matters to your heart, you build into your lives.

This got me big time.  It reminded me of a song (of course) called Awake My Soul by Mumford and Sons.... the same lines that came to mind last night actually were the inspiration for a post a few weeks ago. And tonight the post resonated within my heart deeply as I thought to what I wrote then and what happened last night.

As I listened to the message I realized how much of our relationship with God is about trusting.  

And therein lies a problem for me because I don't do trust well.

I can let you in but only to a certain point.  

There are very few people I let go past that point.  Some family... and a few very dear heart friends.

I don't think I often allow God past that point either.

I am sure I could come up with several reasons.

Last night for the first time...it bothered me... this big lack of trust in Him.

Looking back over the last year I have trusted Him in some big things.  But fully trusting Him in everything.  I cannot honestly say that I have done that.  I mean I think in the past I thought I have.  And even proclaimed it at times.

I was wrecked...in those moments of realization I felt like my heart had been ripped open and exposed for Him to see.... 

my heart screaming I don't trust you.  

I know He has seen my heart all along and knows I have trust issues...and why I have them.  It was time for Him to show me, really show me, that this is holding me back.  

Holding me back from the more I so desperately want.

Sometime inside of me finally awoke and it is time to start letting Him restore these areas.

Because I want more.

I want a solid heart.

I want a heart I can build my life with.  A heart strengthened in the knowledge that I trust Him.  That I know Him.  That He knows me.  

I want to have a heart invested in beautiful things.  Him.  Others.  Being a steward.  Being a voice for the voiceless.  Love.  Joy.  Hope.  

It matters to my heart.  This trust thing.  I want to build it into my life.  I want to invest my heart into trusting Him.

The more within me grows....He knows.   My year of daring is going to include a whole lot of trusting.  

 

Have you had a moment that just wrecked you lately?

 

Please feel free to use the image above for a desktop wallpaper...I created it so I would remember to trust Him this week...it matters to my heart. :)

Joining in with the SDG sisters at Jen's.

What's Your Story? :: Amy S.

Welcome to another installment of What's Your Story?  I am so thrilled to share with you Amy's story.  I am not sure who find who...me or her...but I do know this...I am SO blessed to call her friend.  Her journey has been beautiful to watch unfold and has given me such a heart for adoption.  Watching how God has worked has been a gift.

Her family makes my heart smile.

 

 

 

List Maker

If you had met me ten years ago and then suddenly fast forwarded to the present, I don’t think you would think I was the same person.  Back then, I thought I had it all figured out.  I had a mental list of how my life was going to play out and I was really good at sticking to the list.  The list was very detailed, but the basics were that we (my husband and I) were going to have two children…preferably two and a half years apart. (I told you it was detailed.) We were going to drive nice cars, never a minivan, never.  We were going to go on yearly vacations and we were going to live the wonderful “American Dream”. 

I think I must have brought God some good belly laughs with all my plans.  You see, our life was going according to “our” plans.  We had the two children...almost exactly two and a half years apart.  We went on the yearly vacations and in many ways we were living “the dream”.  Then one day, we began to feel that God was asking us to expand our family.  Three kids?  That was definitely not on my list. 

 At that point, God began to work a BIG transformation in my heart.  He showed me over and over how our plans are not always HIS plans.  He showed me the beauty only He can create when I let go and give all to Him.  After a difficult season of miscarriages, I became pregnant with the blessing of our third child. 

During the pregnancy, we were again reminded to give it all to Him, when the doctors found an unexplained ‘growth’ in our baby’s ultrasound.  Some time between the first ultrasound to when we went to see the specialists, God cured our unborn baby girl of this unknown medical condition.  At the next ultrasound with the specialists, it was gone, completely gone!  The doctors could not explain it.

Many weeks later, on a rainy late night in December, our miracle girl was born.  Our hearts were filled with joy and thankfulness for the beauty He had created.  Our daughter was not on my original list, but she was on His and we were so thankful that He had opened our eyes to His plans.

We began to totally give it all to Him.  No plans…just His will.  We asked to have our eyes completely opened to His will for our lives.  You know what it says in the Bible…Matthew 7:7-8 (NIV) “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.  Well, I am here to tell you, that is exactly what it means.  God showed us His will.  He called us to adopt from Ethiopia. 

At the time, our new baby girl was only 6 months old.  Many thought that we were crazy, but we had an indescribable peace.  God opened our eyes to the plight of the orphan and showed us His heart for each and every one of them.  He asked us to trust Him completely and then He took us on the journey of our lives.  One year to the date that we started that journey, we were getting off a plane in Ethiopia to meet our son, Elijah.  He is an absolute gift and we cannot imagine our lives or our family without him. 

Today, life is nothing like it was ten years ago. However, I could not imagine life any other way.  I now see that my life was never my own, but His.  God has blessed us in ways that I could have never imagined to write on my lists.  He has filled our lives with laughter, love and a greater understanding of God’s love for each of us.  

Sometimes, as I am driving down the road in my *ahem* minivan, I start to make another mental list of things we should accomplish in the future.  However, with one glance in the rearview mirror, I am reminded that God’s plans are bigger and better than I could ever dream.  So, I will leave the list making up to HIM.  

Amy blogs at Filled With Praise and would love to hear from you and visit your blog.   

The Weekly {Q}.

I was watching a favorite movie... which also happens to have my most favorite fictional fellow in it.  And then I came up with today's question...which of course is more for girls since I am assuming there are very, very few fellows who read CJ blog (although if you do you should totally say hi!)

Here's a hint ;)

So I am pondering...

 

Who is your favorite fictional fellow?

 

See you in the comments!

The Struggle of Wait.

Sometimes I just have to post an honest post.  A... here's my struggle post.

You know the one where you just put it out there and hope maybe someone... at least one person...gets it and says oh girl... I know.

The first two weeks of January were lovely.  Busy... my new job going well... life was fab. Dreaming.  Writing.  Laughing.

I think I was able to distract myself from the waiting that is a big part of my life.

Waiting for SO many things.  Hope gets harder for me at times in the waiting.

The last week has been hard.

I want so much for things to be different and I pray.  His answer remains the same.

Wait.

I got a phone call from a dear friend telling me of a job opening that is full time and totally up my alley.  Like... perfection.

It's here.  In my hometown.

It pays well and it is something I enjoy.

I couldn't not put in an application...so I applied.  And now I wait.

My heart is torn.  I would really enjoy this job but at the same time I really, really want to move.  I need new community, new experiences, a place of my own.  I have felt that tugging in my spirit for years...and finally feel...well, ready.

Frustrated.  Confused.  

If there is anything I dislike more it's those two feelings.

It's pervaded so many areas of my life over the last week.

Tonight I ran across a piece of art that reminded me that while my plans are many His purpose will prevail.

As much as I am struggling right now I am trying to remember while I want those other things....I want His purpose in my life more.  I want the dreams He has placed in my heart fulfilled.

I am talking comfort in His word this week.  And in the love of friends who understand and listen.  And in laughter and guilty pleasure television.  The small things. 

 

When is the last time you were struggling in a major way?

 

Joining in with Jen and the SDG sisters.

What It Means to Be A Warrior. :: A Guest Post on Princess Warrior Lessons Blog.

Hi Peaches!

Unfortunately I did not get a story for this week's What's My Story but if one comes in this week I will most definitely make plans to share it.  :)  (And if you want to share your story please contact me by email which is to the right in my sidebar!)

I am SO excited to be guest posting at dear Jo's blog, Princess Warrior Lessons, today.  When she asked I was so honored...there is something so special about being asked to guest on someone else's bloggy home.  Thank you Jo for hostessing me today.  <3

To read What It Means to Be A Warrior...just click the button below!

 

As of Late :: January 2012

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Welcome dear Peaches to this month's As of Late!  Did you know today marks our 1 year anniversary of As of Late on CJ blog?  I am so thrilled to be able to host it.  Thanks Kristen for letting me do this.  It's one of my favorite things here.

For more information on As of Late and how to participate you can go here.

Just grab the button code above if you want to use the button in your post.

Let's get this party started!

 

Lately I have been enjoying my most favorite little person as she learns more and more words every day.  Have I mentioned lately being an Aunt is the best thing ever?

Lately I have been reading The Story.  Reading the Bible as one continuing story has been fascinating.  

Lately exciting things have been percolating within.  Creatively.  Writingly.  

Lately I am wishing the weather would get over it's identity crisis and decided which season it was and choose just one season instead of 2 or 3.

Lately realizing how much I don't miss my office and enjoy the moving around of my new job has been lovely.

Yet...Lately I have missed my sweet girls and co-workers muchly... but know this next chapter of my life is going to be amazing.

Lately my ponderings have been accompainied by this beautiful soundtrack, these guys, and these guys.  Good music makes my heart happy.

Lately daring adventures have been on my mind.  I want to take have a few this year.

Lately I have been looking at jobs in Nashville and wondering if and when it will be my time to move.

Lately the waiting has been difficult but I keep reminding myself He knows.

 

And so I have been wondering...what has been going on with you as of late?

 

 

Just link up with your As of Late posts permalink and if you have time please go visit others participating.  It is so fun to see what has been going on with others As of Late!

 

P.S.  I switched comments back to typepad... disqus was giving some problems to several readers.  Sigh.  If you ever have any trouble with anything on the blog will you email me and let me know?  Thank you dear ones!

The Weekly {Q}.

 

I have been thinking about some things with this ole bloggy of mine (one idea you will see next week!)  and I was pondering....

 

What would you like to see on CJ Blog?

 

I was thinking from time to time I could do something like a reader suggested feature for fun :)

So I won't be giving an answer in the comments but would enjoy hearing your suggestions below!

 

<3,

 

P.S. Don't forget about As of Late tomorrow ;)

4 Sided Comfort.

 

Sometimes made of bricks and mortar from years of hurt.

 

Sometimes made of cement from a hurt that scarred so deeply ones world fell apart.

We think it protects us.

This box.  This 4 sided comfort.

And to a certain extent it does.

Often we don't know we live in our own box until something or someone helps us see it.

I have been thinking about my own box lately after a conversation I had with a co-worker on my last day of work at my old job.

I know at least one side of my box was made of brick and mortar as it took a year from seeing myself in my box to taking one side of it down.  (If you want to know about my journey toward breaking down one side of my box you read about it here, here, and here.) 

I must admit at times fear still comes with the fact that with one side of my box gone...I feel exposed and less comfortable.

At the same time it's opened my heart and mind and helped me see Him differently and know Him deeper.

My co-worker expressed to me that he was sad to see me go because he felt like it had just been in the last 6 months (the length of time my notice was) he had really gotten to know me.

I told him the reason was because in my box...no one could really and truly know me.  The thing about a box is no one fits in it but you.

Not even God.

(Plus if you put God in a box too...that's 2 thick walls to get through to know Him...and to know you!)

Once you take down one side of your box....others can see in.

He can see in.

There is an exposure.  People truly see...YOU.  

Breaking down one side of your box means getting comfortable with a few things....your flaws.  Your humanity.  You sin and brokenness.    It also means getting uncomfortable with a great deal of things.  

It's not been an easy thing...breaking down a side of my 4 sided comfort.

At the same time I think over the past 2 years and see a girl who can say she has take brave steps and shown courage.

Then I think to those other three sides of comfort and hope this journey toward freedom continues.

Thinking of a life box free...and uncomfortable... is terrifyingly exciting.

Even more... I have discovered that living a life that borders on terrified excitement is a life worth daring to live.

Since I am choosing dares and risks this year.  I think I am going to work on that next side of comfort.

Do you live in four sided comfort?  Or are you breaking down those sides of your own box?

 

Joining with the SDG sisters at Jen's.

 

Don't forget about As of Late this Thursday! :)

What's Your Story? :: Karrie Shew

Y'all.  God is so good.  As of early Sunday evening I had no story to share with you today and was disappointed because I really wanted to share 52 unique stories this year.  Well.  Later in the evening this arrived in my inbox and I was thrilled.  We were able to correspond and today her story is here on CJ blog.  I just adore how He works!  His timing is always perfect.  Karrie's story is beautiful with the theme of redemption and love.  I know someone needs to read her words today.

 

 

Your testimony speaks volumes.  It cannot be argued with.   The story of God in your life is your story, no one else’s and no one can disagree, rewrite, or change your story.  Here is my story.

I was born to great parents and a great brother, on a small farm in a small community where everybody knows everybody.   We didn’t have a lot, but we didn’t want for much either.  My husband would say I was spoiled, I would say I was blessed.  They took me to church and raised me in a good Christian home.   On June 21, 1991, during VBS at my church my brother walked up to confess his sins and give his life to Jesus and as most little sisters I wanted to be just like my brother.  So, what did I do but walk up to the altar right behind him.  I was 8 years old and loved Jesus!

Life continued.  I went to church. I sang in the choir. I played my part in the Christmas play. I even wore my WWJD bracelet.   High school came and I got interested in the three B’s: books, basketball, and boys (not necessarily in that order) and they lead to the BIG B – BUSY!!!  I played four sports in high school, graduated in the top ten in my class, and always made time to date someone.  My priorities were never in the right order.  But I always claimed my Christianity, whatever that meant. 

I graduated high school and off to college I went.  I went to church occasionally while in college never committed much time to it.  I read my bible sporadically, never really listening.  I prayed some, almost always about my own needs.  My freshman year I started dating a guy, I thought we were soul mates and would be together forever.  He wasn’t a good influence, and I worked hard to be a good influence.  My mom would say “you can’t change a tiger’s stripes, Karrie.”  I worked hard to get him in church and on the right path.  Spring of what would have been my senior came along (but I had changed majors so many times it was going to take me another year) and the guy I thought I would marry decided he wanted to date other people.  Ok, I will get through this I thought.  It will work out, what’s meant to be will always find a way.  I had started feeling a little weird within the last month and hadn’t thought much about it.  Till days went by and…..I knew without ever taking a pregnancy test, I knew.  I walked out of the university infirmary with the greatest fear I had ever known in my life.

 What will my parents say?  What will people think of me?  What will I do about school?  How will I do this?  Burdens, worries, fear. I began to pray every minute I was awake.  I keep my secret for 4 months.  On mother’s day of 2005 I sat in my church in the second pew, where my family sat every Sunday.  My pastor got up to preach and as he talked about mothers and their importance and their beauty, I could not stay.  I got up tears rolling down my face and went out the door.  I walked around outside and out into cemetery where my grandmother was buried four years early.  And there at her grave, I gave up. I bowed on knees and said I can’t do this Lord, but You can.  Forgive my sins of the flesh, renew my spirit and take control of my life.  And I stood up a new person truly convicted and repented.  Three weeks later I told my parents, who were upset but supportive and encouraging.  The guy never really came around.  I continued school, where my professors were also very supportive and helpful.

 On December 14, 2005, God blessed me with the greatest blessing of my life a beautiful baby boy.  9 pounds 8 ounces of pure heaven sent joy.  This child at 2 years old would say “Mommy get up, we gotta get ready for church.”  He recently told me that “God had put it in his heart.”  He is a true blessing that lead my broken heart to be healed in Christ.

Maybe you are carrying a burden from your past or a sin haunts you daily.  Give it to God, He loves you, He forgives you, He can give you new life.  Fall on your knees today, where ever you are and let it go.

 About Karrie:

 

Karrie is a mother to a six year old boy and a six month old baby girl, middle school teacher, and farmer's wife in North Carolina.  When not doing all these things, Karrie loves to blog life from here, read, laugh and cook.

 

Visit Karrie's blog Life from Here.

 

Awake. :: 5 Minute Friday.

I am trying to break myself from internally editing all the time so I thought I would join The Gypsy Mama's 5 minute Friday.

No editing.  Just writing.

 

 

On Awake...

 

When I see the theme of today I immediately think of a song.  Awake my Soul by Mumford and Sons...the lyrics immediately come to mind.

 

In these bodies we will live, 
in these bodies we will die
Where you invest your love, 
you invest your life

awake my soul...
awake my soul...
awake my soul...
For you were made to meet your maker

I feel as if my soul has been awakening in the last 2 years from a long slumber.  A slumber partially of my choosing and partially His as He knew my heart was not ready.

With that slumber came longings and waitings.

With the awake comes longing and waitings.

In some ways the same.

In some ways different.

My soul. My heart now awake and clamoring to see what He has in store.  To know His plans for me.

To invest my love.  To invest my life.  In Him.  In Me.

From slumberous sleepiness fog to fully awake and ready to go.

It's amazing what He can do when it is His timing and not ours.

So my soul has awakened.

Slowly last year and now wide eyed I look to see what His next step for me is.

I eagerly await His words.  His actions.  His hand.

He has awakened my heart and it now beats with His.  Passions.  Creativeness.  Words flowing.  Compassion overwhelming.  Bravery and courage leak from my pores covering the weakness and fear that I carried for so long.

He has awakened my soul and it now dreams of big things.  Of things that ring of eternal beauty.

May my heart and soul see His with eyes wide awake. 

 

 

For more 5 Minute Friday and to join in visit The Gypsy Mama.